


What We Did To Me

by ExTeenageDirtbag



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gore, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Neglect, Nightmares, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, dub/con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 20:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18059693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExTeenageDirtbag/pseuds/ExTeenageDirtbag
Summary: Genma's life is even more of a train wreck than usual and he's not quite sure where to go from here. Good thing he's got Raidō to pull him out of the grave he's had one foot in for the past yearOr: the one where Genma is a depressed ball of anxiety and self doubt and Raidō is there to keep him going. With a little help of course.Cross posted to FF.net





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this is going to be the first thing I've written in about forever, so if it's terrible to start with I apologize; it will get better as I get back into the groove of things.
> 
> This story is going to be predominantly centered around Genma because he's one of my favorite characters and there's so much you can do with him being that canonically we don't really get to see too much of him, so I will be taking some liberties with his and Raidō's backstory, as well as some things from Kakashi's because as my other fave he will definitely be popping up in this.
> 
> All that being said this story is going to deal with some pretty dark shit and will be a fairly severe tale about mental health and all the things that go along with it. It's not going to be pretty and it will not be glamorizing mental disorders or illness. As of right now this story is most likely going to contain homosexuality, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, self-harm, eating disorders not otherwise specified, talk of suicide, suicidal ideation, gore, excessive profanity, implied rape/abuse, neglect, etc. Pretty much everything but smut. I don't do sex scenes.
> 
> I don't have an endgame pairing for this yet, my heart tells me Rai/Gen so that's what I'll tag it as for now, but we'll see. Regardless it's going to be a slow motherfucking burn.
> 
> There will be an OC but he will only be used for character development for Genma, so he won't be around long
> 
> This will be set during the time skip, about 10 months after Sasuke left.
> 
> Also I'll apologize in advance for any formatting errors and the excessive use of commas

* * *

I'll keep you inside  
Where I lead you cannot follow  
Straight into the light  
As my breath grows still and shallow

Into the Nothing by Breaking Benjamin  
___

"Genma! Will you hurry up?!  
"Fuck off Rai, it's not going to kill you to wait five more minutes!"

"You said that 10 minutes ago!"

Raidō sighed as he leaned back farther into the dusty old couch that took up most of the room in Genma's small apartment. Gods, tonight was going to be just what they needed, the past few months had been a hell storm of paperwork and nonstop missions, not to mention their task of guarding Tsunade around the clock. The jonin was starting to feel like he was at his wits end, never having a moments peace or rest, and he knew the others were feeling the same.

Now that Tsunade was Hokage, so many things were changing so quickly it was unreal but Raidō wasn't too worried, he trusted Tsunade and her ability to lead the village as much as he trusted the Third.  
Raidō smiled slightly, remembering the old man that had been around his whole life. His death had been hard on the whole village but even more so on the Tokubetsu Jonin, whose job it had been to protect him. They had all been out of sorts since it happened nearly a year ago but Raidō could tell his best friend had taken it harder than any of them.

Looking around cluttered living area Raidō couldn't help but grimace slightly at just how messy it had gotten lately. While Genma was hardly a tidy person, he had always kept his apartment clean at least. Having clothes scattered here and there, books and scrolls stacked in various places made his apartment looked lived in, rather than the the sterile cleanliness of most places inhabited by shinobi. (Like Kakashi's apartment, which looked like no one ever set foot in it, or Kotetsu and Izumo's place, a sad little studio apartment right next to the Hokage tower. The two elite Chunin somehow managed to keep the dismally small space cleaner than Raidō's entire apartment.) But ever since the Chunin Exams had taken place, even before the Third Hokages passing, the scarred man had noticed a change in his longtime friend.

Now instead of the endearing homey-ness the space once had, it was a complete train wreck. Along with what looked to be every article of clothing the senbon user owned scattered over the floors and furniture, nearly every open surface was covered in beer cans, bottles, half eaten take-out boxes and the faint smell of tobacco that let Raidō know Genma had started smoking again at some point. Kunai and shuriken lay everywhere, haphazardly tossed around among soldier pills and ration bars, vials of different poisons the Jonin liked to use, broken pieces of what Raidō could only assume were Genma's ANBU armor. Dried streaks of blood and dirt dotted the walls and counters, an extra pair of mud covered boots sitting untouched by the front door. His brows creased as he frowned.

He hasn't been this bad since Mintao died...

But that was the problem wasn't it? What the other man didn't want to admit to anyone, including Raidō. How much he felt as though he had failed The Third, just like he had failed Minato.

If only I had been there/ maybe there was something I could have done /maybe if I'd tried harder he would still be here.

A life of 'maybes' and 'what if's' that he knew left Genma's head spinning. A feeling that echoed in Raidō's being, something he could understand, something that was affecting Genma deeply, which was why he was trying to give the younger man as much time as he needed. Because he knew...

He'll bounce back eventually, he always does.

Because that's who Genma was, he was the one that wouldn't break, even when the world tried to bend him farther than he could go, he would always spring back when any of them least expected. He just had to wait until his friend found his way out of whatever dark hole he'd crawled into. Right? Because he would know if he needed to worry, wouldn't he? Genma would tell him of something serious was going on in that head of his. They told each other everything. If something was truly wrong, Genma would tell him and they would deal with it. Just like they solved their other problems.

Genma walking out of the bedroom broke the scarred man out of his thoughts, looking up at his friend and raising a dark eyebrow, grin creeping across his face.

Genma had his usual disinterested expression fixed firmly in place but his short "What?" gave away that he was more than a bit annoyed. " You just look so cute Gen. You'll probably pick up more people at the bar than Anko." Raidō remarked as he looked Genma over. Like the taller man Genma had opted to wear their shinobi issue black pants and sandals (opting to leave behind his weapons pouch) and a short sleeve mesh top with a black tank top over it, the fabric loose fitting enough to hide the lean body underneath.

  
His normally straight hair was now framing his face in soft waves and falling in his eyes without his headband to keep it away, and a small silver hoop sat in the left side of his nose.

Overall he looked better now than he had in weeks, aside from the dark circles ringing his eyes, reminding Raidō of Hayate briefly; a far off look in those hazel orbs that Raidō couldn't quite discern was from too many sleepless nights or the weight of his own thoughts.

"Did you do your hair?" Raidō asked incredulously.

Genma scoffed and started picking his way through the apartment looking for his wallet. "No, I took a shower earlier and fell asleep while it was wet and this," he gestured vaguely in the direction of his head "happened and I didn't feel like fixing it." Finding his wallet and shoving it in the back pocket of his pants the senbon user looked expectantly at his teammate.  
"And lo, he's finally ready." Raidō quipped as he made his way to the door, ignoring Genma flipping him off. "Alright, lets get wasted!"

* * *

 

 _Damn we've only been here for an hour and I'm already thinking this was a bad idea_.

Raidō thought tiredly as he swirled the last of the beer in his glass before finishing it off. Catching the bartenders eye he held up his glass briefly indicating a refill and glanced around the small civilian bar for his friends.

He and Genma had met up with Asuma, Anko, Kotetsu and Izumo at a small bar on the outer reaches of the village to celebrate the tokubetsu jonin finally having a day off for the first time in almost two years; day off in this case meaning they had a full 24 hours of no obligations, tasks, or missions. And Raidō couldn't be more thankful for that, it was one of the things that Tsunade had instituted during her time as Hokage, making sure that no one was running themselves into the ground, and although Kakashi and Genma were giving her a run for her money, he was starting to feel more than a bit frayed at the the edges as of late too.  
His thoughts drifted to their silver haired friend causing him to sigh sadly.

After the Uchiha boy had deserted his team, Naruto had left with Jiraiya, and Sakura attached herself to Tsunade's hip, Kakashi was left with nothing, like so many other times in his life and had taken up the ANBU mask again, pouring himself into something that couldn't abandon him. It worried Raidō and Genma, but then again they knew Tsunade wouldn't let Kakashi do anything she didn't think he could handle.

He hoped.

Raidō smiled to himself a little, Tsunade was more of a mother hen than she liked to let on, under her rather...abrasive exterior, she was one of the most caring people he had met. Kakashi and Genma had both (on separate occasions) mentioned that was her problem; that she cared too deeply. Something that was dangerous in their line of work, as ninja. Caring and attachment could very easily get you killed. Or fuck you up so bad it destroyed your entire sense of being.

His mind flashed with an image of Genma, when they were young (so young) his thin shoulders shaking and his hands scrabbling for purchase on a torn, muddy coat. Blood (Minato's) soaking through the sleeves of his shirt, streaked over a jonin vest that seemed so large on his small body and the tears that streamed down his friends face.

He remembered something his father had told him once. The truest tragedy of man was loving something death could touch.

"Raiiiiiiiii!" Genma nearly yelled, slamming into his back and snapping him out of his thoughts and almost making him spill the beer he hadn't even notice had been placed in his hand. The scarred man looked over his shoulder to see what his best friend was doing and very nearly got the business end of a cigarette in the eye for his troubles, the small menthol stick replacing Genma's usual senbon. "Can I get a drink on your tab?" The jonin asked, blowing a puff of smoke away from Raidō 's face. "Whatever, as long as it's not ridiculously expensive, get me one too."

"You're a fuckin' peach, Raidō." Genma said, leaning over his friend and ordering something Raidō couldn't hear over the music. The bartender nodded and soon there was a small cup of something sitting in front of him and Genma was holding his own glass grinning like an idiot. "Gen, what the hell is this?"  
"It's called a Vegas Bomb."  
"Shit, that doesn't sound friendly."  
Genma just laughed and held his glass up, "Trust me it will fuck you up." and proceeded to down the whole thing in one go.

  
"Oh gods help me." Raidō muttered to himself as he took an experimental swig. His first thought was that it tasted pretty good, immediately followed by the small voice in the back of his head that told him that was a bad sign, anything that tasted that good probably had a significantly high alcohol content.

Genma slammed his glass face down on the bar and ordered another beer, absentmindedly tapping his fingers to whatever song was playing through the speakers, the sporadic movements letting Raidō know that his friend was already fairly drunk. Turning back to the room he walked over to the table they had been hovering around and sat next to Asuma and putting his foot on Anko's chair leg asked dismissively. 

  
"How many has Genma had already? We've only been here for a little over an hour." Taking a sip from his own glass, Raidō watched as Anko tapped the four beer bottles on the far end of the table.

"Those and the Vegas Bomb I told him to try." She laughed and looked over at Kotetsu and Izumo, who were hanging all over each other, before turning her attention back to Raidō and leaning on her elbows over the table.  
"So guess what I heard?" Asuma flicked a cigarette butt at her and scowled slightly,

"Mitarashi, quit gossiping for five minutes would you?" Anko waved him off dismissively "Oh don't be a buzzkill Asuma, I'm sure Raidō would love to know this particular piece of information." She said with a sly grin before knocking back the last dregs from the glass in her hand.

"And what information could you possibly have that would interest me Anko?" One day he was going to stop entertaining her bullshit but it seemed today was not that day, he couldn't be bothered to put the effort in.  
Anko's expression suddenly turned into something much more somber, or if Raidō didn't know better; sad.

  
"I overheard from Yamanaka earlier, Genma failed his psych eval." Raidō couldn't help but snort rudely. "Are you serious? Why the hell would he do that? Because you and I both know he could lie through his teeth and pass easy as you please whenever he needed to. Sounds like some bullshit intel."

"Hey I'm just telling you what I heard, and what the hell is that supposed to mean? That he's bullshitted his way through in the past?"  
Asuma rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair "Haven't we all lied before? Really?" Anko shrugged her shoulders looking down at her empty glass. " I mean I'm not going to sit here and say I never lied but I still got sent to my fair share of therapy." "Yeah well you're a special case now aren't you?" Raidō bit his tongue the moment the sentence left his mouth and he heard Asuma click his lighter and a quiet "Damn."

Before he looked up to see Anko's dark expression. "Yes, I was." She left her glass on the table and stood without a word and walked over to the bar, passing Genma on her way who glanced between her and the others confusedly before walking over and sitting next to Izumo.

"The hell was that about?"  
"Just Raidō putting his foot in his mouth." Asuma supplied easily, taking one of the drinks from the other Jonin's hands. "By the way kid, maybe you should slow down? You're looking pretty wobbly already." Asuma was only half joking, but even Kotetsu and Izumo had noticed the way Genma's reaction time was off and he hadn't made his way over to them in anything that could resemble a straight line.

Instead of replying Genma just pulled out a cigarette from the pack on the table and lit it. Raidō watched quietly as Genma rubbed his eye with his palm before remarking "Kid? Fuck off, we're the same age...asshole."

Asuma just laughed and shook his head.

For the next two hours their night continued in much the same way and Raidō began to relax, letting his earlier worries slip away in favor of enjoying time with his friends. However it seemed that once midnight hit, the rest of his night was meant to be an absolute shit show. And in retrospect he should have seen it coming, he'd been looking the warning signs dead in the face all night and had the nerve to be surprised when Genma tried to start a fight with another bar patron.

At this point in the night it was only himself, Anko and Genma left from their little group, the others having had missions and duties to get to the following morning. And Raidō had apologized to Anko without fucking that up, so he had mistakenly thought things were going in his favor. The resonating shout of "What the fuck did you call me?!" had him harshly pulled back to reality. He and Anko both looked up to see Genma standing nose to nose (more like nose to chest, holy fuck that guy is huge)with another person, hands balled into fists and a look of drunken fury on his face.

The other guy for his part didn't look too put off, which surprised Raidō a bit, because even drunk and unarmed, a shinobi like Genma was dangerous. But as he watched the guy cross his arms and shift his stance defensively, Raidō realized the stranger was also a shinobi, of what rank he wasn't sure though. Taking in his broad build and tanned skin, dark hair cut into a sort of Mohawk and the brightest green eyes he'd seen since he'd met Sakura, Raidō distantly remembered seeing him in the missions office from time to time.  
Looking down at the smaller man with an annoyed expression he said

"Look just get out if my way Shiranui, I've got orders from the Hokage to bring Anko Mitarashi to her office immediately." Anko stood up swiftly before Genma had a chance to open his mouth again "Alright, alright Nanashi."

 _Ahh right. Nanashi Taka_ .

Anko and Taka disappeared and Genma was left looking even more pissed off than before. " 'at stupid fucker! Shoulda beat 'is face in." Raidō sighed and made his way over to where his friend was leaning heavily against the bar top. "Alright Gen, time to go home. Close your tab while I get your stuff." Genma just grunted in response and the taller brunette went and grabbed Genma's smokes and house keys off of their table along with his own wallet before walking back over to the bar where Genma was facedown on the bar top and groaning. Shaking his head and glancing at the receipt on the counter Raidō pulled Genma's arm over his shoulder.

 _$36 ? The drinks here are affordable but they aren't super cheap, how is he this wasted? I've run up a $100 tab here and not been this trashed_.

"Yo were you bumming off Kotetsu's tab you leach?" He asked amusedly as he pulled Genma back in the direction of his apartment. Genma glared and leaned against him all of a sudden, almost knocking them both over. "No, jus' that one off yours. Fuck, 'm dizzy." Genma pushed away from him to stand on his own which lasted for a grand total of about 10 seconds before he grabbed Raidō's sleeve as he suddenly leaned forward and proceeded to throw up everything he'd drank in the past 4 hours.

The other jonin sighed and grabbed the smaller man's shoulder to make sure he didn't fall over in his own puke, because as funny as it would be he knew he'd never hear the end of it.

"Shit Gen, are you gonna make it?" He mumbled sarcastically. 

A tug at his sleeve was the only answer he was given as Genma threw up again, the smell of whiskey and stomach acid invading his nose and Raidō frowned as Genma took a steadying breath through his mouth and out of his nose and stood up straight(ish), face pale and hair sticking to his face with sweat.

"Did you eat anything today? Raidō asked, already knowing the answer before Genma shook his head.  
"No, guess I just forgot b'tween all the commotion today and falling 'sleep after I got home." He slurred thoughtfully, looking over at his friend. "

You actually forgot or you forgot on purpose?"  
Genma's eyebrows creased as he looked at Raidō like he had six eyes." The fuck's that even mean?"

"Forget it, lets just get you home ok?" Genma grunted and pawed at Raidō's shoulders "Oi oi what the hell? I am not about to carry you home." The brunette sputtered, batting at Genma's grabbing hands. "Rai come on, I feel like hot garbage ,I'm shitbag wasted, and we're like 3 miles from my place. Pleeease?" He whined as he continued in his self appointed mission to scale the other man like he was a fucking pine tree. "Really it's in your best interest to let me do this, otherwise we might not get back for another hour or so and you look like you're reaalllyyy tired."

_Fucking tell me about it._

Giving a long suffering sigh Raidō let Genma climb on his back and he hooked his arms under the other's thighs, as Genma rested his chin on top of his friends head and stared off into the distance. Raidō noted rather guiltily that Genma was a fair bit lighter than he remembered him being. Damn, has he really been losing weight and I didn't notice? Maybe something serious is going on with him...

  
His mind traveled back to Anko telling him about the psych evaluation and the more he thought about how Genma had been acting the past months the worse he felt.

  
"Hey Rai...?" A soft voice pulled him from his thoughts and he 'hmm'ed softly to let Genma know he was listening.

"I..I'm sorry, about lately. I know I've been kind of a shit lately and.. thank you for putting up with it. With me, yeah? It means a lot."  
Raidō smiled softly and leaned his head back some against Genma's throat.

"Genma you're my best friend and I love the fuck out of you, I don't put up with you, I'm with you, no matter what, through any thing. Partners till the end." He wanted to say more but he was too drunk, too tired, and too acutely aware how much he cared for his best friend and too unaware of exactly what Genma's real mental state was, he just hoped his small speech had been enough so dispel any fears Genma seemed to have about him not putting up with his shit. The only response he got was a small purr as Genma buried his nose in Raidō's spiky brown hair, letting the familiar scent of cedar and ash comfort him. "Love the fuck out of you too Raidō."  
_

The light shining into his eyes first thing in the morning should have been his first clue that this whole day was going to be fuckey. But hey, hindsight and all that jazz. As it was, the only thing Genma Shiranui could focus on at the current moment was the absolutely unapologetic headache he currently had, which was being magnified by the sun shining directly into his fucking retna.

Groaning and trying to figure out what was what, the brunette sat up slowly, trying to spare his poor head any more pain and belatedly noticed that he had fallen asleep upside down on his bed. That would explain why why he was blind at the moment, as the foot of his bed was the only part that the sunlight reached during any time of the day.

"Ugh." Running a shaky hand through his hair and grimacing at how greasy it felt, the jonin made his way unsteadily into the bathroom connected to his small bedroom and flipped the light on, making him wince at more bright lights so early.

Turning on the sink and letting the water get warm Genma looked at himself in the mirror, arms braced against the counter on either side of the basin. His hair was even more of a mess than it had been last night, the soft waves gone and his hair was sticking out in every possible direction, knots everywhere, bangs sticking to his forehead. The dark rings under his eyes and the paleness of his normally sunkissed skinmade him look like something that crawled out of the crypt. Letting his eyes trail farther down he noted that his collarbone stuck out more sharpy than it used to, his ribs rising closer to the surface if his skin, hip bones pressing sharply into the fake marble countertop as he looked away to splash hot water in his face and hair.

Leaning down he rinsed his mouth out a few times, trying to get rid of the taste of stale booze and tobacco before turning the water off and grabbing a dirty shirt off the floor and using it to dry his face off before pulling the shirt on as he made his way out into his living room.

The sight that greeted him wasn't unusual or out of the ordinary it was simply Raidō, laying on his couch like he belonged there. Which he did. Raidō belonged anywhere Genma was. They were basically attached at the hip, had been for years and that was something Genma did not want to ever change. He'd be lost without the taller man honestly. He was such a constant fixture in nearly every part of Genma's life that the thought of Raidou not being there made Genma...edgey, nervous, and uncomfortable. Hell, it wouldn't even sound right listening to other people talk about them, because for the past 24 years it had been "Genma and Raidō" or "Rai and Gen."

They almost never heard their names spoken independently of the other's. Genma was distantly aware that he felt very cold as he felt himself break into a slight sweat and was mildly annoyed to feel his heart rate start to increase. Fucking Sage, here he was at the crack of fucking dawn standing in his living room like some asshole, staring dumbly at his best friend while his body decided for him that it was going to have a fucking panic attack to start the day off.

Fucking lovely.

Eyes closing in barely concealed panic Genma tried to get his breathing under control before his friend woke up and saw him having a full-blown freak out for no fucking reason. "Gen?" the senbon users eyes snapped open, scanning over his destroyed living room until they landed on his friend's tired face, half-lidded eyes gazing at him lazily. "Yo'ok?" He asked quietly, words somewhat meshed together in his sleepy state. Genma nodded, his friends voice calming him slightly, the soothing baritone helping ground him to the here and now.

Raidō gazed at him for a few moments, as if contemplating what to say next while the shorter of the two was doing his best to get his heart to beat at a semi- normal pace. When Genma decided his little episode was mostly under control he took a step forward only to have the world tilt wildly for a few seconds, causing him to grab onto the door frame to keep from busting his ass.

"Oh fuck, I'm still drunk." He couldn't believe it, he hadn't had that much to drink last night had he? Shit. He hadn't been that (this?) wasted in a long time.

Raidō sat up and stretched his his arms over his head, his shirt riding up a bit and Genma made a point too look anywhere but the toned flesh directly in front of him, instead holding his arm out "Oi, help me to the kitchen, I need caffeine." Raidō rolled his eyes but stood up and took the offered hand, pulling Genma into the small kitchenette rather than helping him walk. "Coffee is the last thing you need right now, try water you degenerate." The taller man said, handing him a bottle of water from the pack sitting on top of the fridge before opening the door and frowning when he found it basically empty.

"Genma what the hell, you know food is supposed to go in here right?" He asked in an annoyed tone before grabbing a bottle of water for himself and leaning against the counter to look at his friend. Genma had most of his upper body sprawled across the counter top with his eyes closed.

"Haha you're hilarious, yeah sorry I've been busy doing all that shit for Tsunade, you know, just like you, Aoba, and Iwashi have too?"

"Excuses excuses. We can pick some stuff up when we go out later, Tsunade isn't expecting us in until 3 today so we've got plenty of time."

"Eh," Genma said, leaning up off the counter "Go out where?"

Raidō shook his head and put his empty water bottle down on the counter. Sometimes he wanted to choke Genma, he really did. "Come on go get dressed." He said pushing his smaller friend in the direction of his bedroom. Genma groaned but didn't complain much beyond that and Raidō looked around at the disaster of a living room and wondered how long it was going to take to clean all this up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma’s mission takes a rather unfortunate turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, ok so I finally have the second chapter of this, I feel like it's a bit more up to snuff than the first chapter. Idk, you guys tell me.  
> NOTE: This chapter contains gore, sexual situations and heavily implied underage non/con, if that is something you cannot handle, do not read this chapter.  
> Also I’d like to note that if it wasn't obvious, I don't own any of these characters nor do I own Redbull.  
> I'm going to try to make sure the formatting and grammar in this isn't as janky either but no promises.

A chill runs up your spine  
It crawls into your brain  
The freezing touch of fear

It's driving me insane  
Although you try to fight  
Dragged from the silence where you hide  
'til you... Scream

Scream  
I can't wait to hear you...  
I can't wait to hear you...  
Scream

 

Scream by the Misfits  
_____

 

A few hours and many trash bags later, Raidō and Genma were standing in a substantially cleaner apartment.  
“See? That wasn’t so bad right?” Raido asked as he tossed the final trash bag next to the door and looked around to survey his handiwork.  
All the the random bits of junk and garbage had been tossed out, cups put in the sink, counters had been wiped down, piles of dirty clothes thrown into the tiny laundry closet, and weapons had been deposited in a pile on the kitchen counter for cleaning. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. 

Genma nodded silently, senbon bobbing slightly as he rolled it between his teeth. He didn’t want to say anything to Raidō because he knew he shouldn’t have felt so embarrassed about how disgusting he had let his apartment get, but he couldn’t help it. His friend shouldn’t have had to help him clean this up, and while Genma was thankful for the help, he still felt guilty. 

At times it felt like Raidō was always cleaning up after him, not always physically, but whenever Genma screwed up. His friend was the one who was always there to pick up after him and whatever disasters he caused, be it bar fights, paperwork mishaps, or (Sage forbid) the pregnancy scares with more than a few of the lovely ladies he chose to share a bed with. And it wasn’t fair because it never went the other way around. Genma never had to cover for Raidō, never had to remind him to turn in his mission reports, to apologize to this or that person for whatever bullshit he had spouted at them in an alcohol fueled rage. It was honestly ridiculous how much he didn’t have his shit together when Raidō wasn’t there to pick up the slack. 

A real piece of work, aren’t I ?

He thought angrily, trying not to let the tension show; the last thing he wanted was to make Rai think he’d done something wrong.  
If Raidō noticed his anger or embarrassment he didn’t comment on it, instead deciding to busy himself with collecting the last of his things from the coffee table before they had to make their way to the Hokage tower.  
His temple throbbed painfully, reminding him of the headache that he still hadn’t gotten rid of.

Genma briefly considered grabbing some of the perception painkillers he had sitting in his bathroom cabinet but decided against it, he would rather put up with a killer headache than deal with the dizziness and fatigue they caused. He already felt exhausted as it was, so hopefully the pain would help keep him awake until he had a chance to get an energy drink or something.  
_____________  
“So what was all that commotion about last night when Taka showed up?” Raidō asked curiously as they walked down the busy streets of the village. He was rather curious as to what had transpired between the two that had gotten his friend riled up so quickly. Even though it wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for Genma to be rather...mercurial after he’d had a bit to drink, he was never one to fly off the handle without some sort of provocation. 

Genma just scowled, popping the tab on the energy drink in his hand and taking a sip. “ He’s just a dick and I’ve been wanting to deck him for a while. Guess I just figured that was as good a time as any to do it.”  
“Yeah except you didn’t.” The scarred man joked as he took a bite of his cereal bar. “Well if Anko had kept her mouth shut I would have.”  
“Sure, sure. Who is he anyway? I can’t say I’ve seen him around more than a handful of times.”

“He’s an ANBU captain and thinks he’s hot stuff because of it. Don’t get me wrong he’s a good shinobi but all the skill in the world can’t make up for that fucking ego of his.” Genma finished off the last of his drink as they reached the Hokage tower, not wanting to listen to Tsunade bitch about how unhealthy they were. Raidō just shook his head as they walked up the stairs to the Hokage’s office, running into Aoba on the way.

Looking between the two of them the older tokubetsu just shook his head tiredly, giving a brief nod towards the other end of the hall. “Have fun guys, she’s on a roll today.” And with that Aoba hauled ass down the stairs, leaving the partners with a sinking feeling.  
“Great.”  
“I need another Redbull.”  
_________

 

As it turns out ‘she’s on a goddamn war path’ was probably a better way to describe what was going on. The minute Genma and Raidō had stepped into her office they’d both immediately been sent to the archive level of the tower to hunt down file after file of any missions that had operated at any time within the borders of the Land of Earth. And she hadn’t asked nicely either. As she’d screamed at the pair to ‘hurry up and not take more than an hour!’ Shizune had smiled apologetically at them as she placed another stack of folders on Tsunade’s already cluttered desk. 

She hadn’t been too pleased either when they had returned almost two hours later with more than 700 files between them, having made shadow clones to help carry the massive amount of folders and papers. These didn’t even include anything that might be in the Restricted Files that only Tsunade and a few ANBU Black Ops had access to. 

Tsunade waved one hand dismissively as she furiously signed and stamped papers with the other. “Don’t worry about restricted reports right now, just sort what you have by year and mission rank. And be quick about it!”  
“Yes ma’am !” The two said, immediately getting to work and the trio spent the next 13 hours sorting files, signing papers, retrieving reports, following up on incomplete or missing information and slowly the stack on Tsunade’s desk started to dwindle. Shizune stepped in every so often to transport the finished paperwork to its final location and to help ease the tension that was building between the three. 

As the sun light started to wash over the large office Tsunade ran a frustrated hand through her hair and took a drink from the sake glass that had made an appearance on the corner of her desk around 3 hours ago. She was ready to beat Ōnoki to death for letting one of the small civilian villages perform an inquisition about the Leaf Village’s affairs in their land in the past few years, knowing full well he could have stopped it. 

She snorted to herself, he was probably still busy with those unruly orphan brats of his. That explosive obsessed blonde boy and the girl, Kuro-something or other. 

She looked up as she heard yet another file smack against the table, watching as Genma quickly leafed through the thick manila folder, pen marking specific pages every so often. She leaned back in her chair as she observed him. He was sitting in the small space between the table and the couch that she kept in the office for nights like these, and was hunched over the papers he was looking at. She noticed he kept leaning against Raidō’s leg, resting his head on the other man's knee.

The kid looked terrible honestly, compared to the easy going brat she had met a year ago. He always seemed to be fatigued even though she knew he was drinking multiple energy drinks a day, his usual joking and relaxed attitude had shifted into a wild mix of emotional unavailability and obsessive behavior. He would hyperfixate on one thing or another, having it take up all his spare time when he wasn’t on a mission or on guard duty. The past few weeks he had been out at the training grounds nonstop, going toe to toe with Gai on who was out there the longest. 

However, she had seen no indication of it affecting his ability to perform his duties, every mission he’d been sent on, no matter the rank, had been completed expertly and quickly, with no casualties to any of their own ninja. It was rather odd, how much Genma reminded her of Kakashi sometimes. They both had the same stubborn attitude towards things and an absolute disregard for their own well being, putting the comfort and safety of their teammates first no matter what. 

Looking over at Raidō she smiled minutely at the scarred boy. She had seen the tension in his shoulders over the past few weeks, some of it coming from the influx of missions but mostly because he was worried about the senbon user. Every time she saw him he seemed a bit more stressed, more frazzled. He was a good kid and a good shinobi and she faintly remembered how her own teammates concern after Dan had passed. It was one of the few times that Jiraiya had kept his perverted jokes to a minimum, and Orochimaru had even shown uncharacteristic sympathy, although he didn’t try to baby her like everyone else. He was the same as he always ways but but with his edges softened, just for her…

“Tsunade-sama.” A voice called from the open window and she turned to see Nanashi Taka, ANBU mask firmly in place, standing just inside her office and holding a scroll out for her to take.  
“It’s an urgent message from Hidden Cloud.”  
“Thank you Bear. Dismissed.”  
He nodded and flitted away as Tsunade opened the scroll, looking over it critically.

Genma quietly replaced the kunai he’d pulled from his weapons pouch when he’d sensed the intruders presence, mildly annoyed when it turned out to just be Taka. He glanced at Raidō to see him sliding an explosive tag back into one of the pockets on his flak vest. 

“Genma! I need to speak with you, Raidō you are dismissed.”  
The taller man nodded and disappeared as Genma stood in front of Tsunade’s desk. 

“I need you to take this mission immediately, time is prudent.You will have 36 hours to complete this task. There is a man impersonating a Konoha shinobi who has killed five of Cloud’s jonin and has kidnapped the daughter of one of the Lightning Country’s Daimyōs. If this girl dies at the hands of someone they believe to be one of us it could cause irreparable damage to our relations with the country of Lightning . I need this taken care of quickly and quietly.” She told him as she stamped the scroll with a large red S before handing it to him. “You shall operate as Jackal for this mission, we don’t need this getting out. Understood?”  
Genma nodded as he took the scroll from her and shunshined away.  
________  
Raidō was at his apartment when he arrived, arms crossed and looking petulant. “She gave you a solo mission?” 

Genma nodded as he pulled off his flak vest and began pulling on his ANBU armor and gathering necessary weapons and supplies. “ I shouldn’t be gone long, two days at most.” The tokujo finished gathering his supplies and retrieved his ANBU mask from the top shelf of his bedroom closet, setting it over his face and looking back at his friend. “Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.” 

Raidō gave him a thumbs up and a smirk, replying “Come back with all your body parts in tact or I’ll lose $50 to Anko.”  
Genma smiled beneath his mask before opening the window and disappearing into the early light of the morning.  
________

 

Genma jumped swiftly from branch to branch, on his way to a small village that lay just outside the borders of the Land of Fire, the last location the target of this mission had been seen. After reading through the mission document before he had left the village he concluded that this mission was going to be VERY messy, in terms of political connotations. The girl that had been kidnapped was the 11 year old daughter of one of the less prominent diamyō in the Land of Lightning, controlling a small area of land near the edge of the country, close to the Land of Sound. The shinobi who had taken the girl had been reportedly boasting about being a Konoha ninja, but after reading a brief description of the man in question he, like Tsunade, had concluded it was not one of their own. Apparently the imposter had even managed to find a Leaf Village hatiate somewhere to help facilitate the lie. 

In the back of his mind he wondered if this was more of Orochimaru’s doing, the memory of the snake Sannin causing him to grind his teeth angrily, wishing he had his senbon. Had killing the Third not been enough for him? Was he now trying to cause conflict between countries?

After contemplating it for a few moments he quickly dismissed the thought, it would do Orochimaru no good to start a war between two countries where his own village would be directly in the crosshairs. Unless his grand scheme was to become a fucking war profiteer, something the tokujo highly doubted. He didn’t know much about the pale bastard but he knew enough, the man was no lover of war. No shinobi in their right mind was.  
Many of them were still haunted by nightmares from what happened during the Third Shinobi War; Asuma and Iwashi had lost their entire families early on during the conflict, before it had broken into an all out war, though many say that the ambush which lead to their squads death was one of the major catalysts for tipping the scales over the edge. Kurenai and her sister had both been separated from their father during an attack Iwa had launched late into the war, only 2 months before Minato’s team had been sent to destroy the Kannabi Bridge. 

Kakashi had lost everything in the small time between the bridge mission and the attack of the Nine Tails, his constant vigil at the Memorial Stone afterword was hard to watch. The way he took mission after mission in ANBU, never staying in the village for more than a day or two at a time, trying to be anywhere but in the familiar loneliness of his apartment. 

Raidō, who had lost his immediate family years before the start of the war, had been living with has aunt and uncle during the Kyuubi attack. They had both survived with only superficial injuries as they had been helping move civilians to places of safety during the brunt of the attack and thus were pretty far from the east side of the village, which was where most of the damage occured. 

Genma’s parents had both died during the attack, his house being one of the many homes destroyed by the massive beast. Of course he hadn’t learned about their deaths until hours later, after the chaos of the fox appearing, Kushina giving birth, she and Minato both dying, sealing the Kyuubi inside their son…

If Genma was being honest with himself he’d admit that he didn’t even remember all the events of that night, just bits and pieces, snatches of memory in no particular order that he’d managed to piece together over the past years. Ibiki had told him that his mind had most likely blocked out the other memories due to the stress and trauma, but the tokujo didn’t really care either way. He didn’t particularly want to remember exactly how much he’d lost or what else had transpired, he knew enough; that he’d failed his Hokage, he’d been unable to help stop the Kyuubi, he’d lost his parents and home, and he’d had to watch Kakashi fall to pieces over Kushina’s and Minato’s bodies. Just as he himself had done before anyone else had arrived...

 

Now isn’t the time to dwell on the past.

 

He had passed the borders into the Land of Lightning near where the target was said to have been seen only hours ago he could already feel something amiss. A chakra signature up ahead; it was too large to belong to a civilian, strong enough that he suspected this shinobi was probably an upper Chunin or maybe even a Jonin in rank. Masking his own chakra, he slowed his pace and kept to the higher branches, scanning the forest floor for any signs of the enemy. 

He came to rest on the branches of a small tree overlooking a clearing where a large figure was dragging another much smaller figure along the ground, into a patch of sunlight. The first figure turned and Genma was able to get a good view of him, and confirmed it was his target, eyes widening in shock. The description in the dossier didn’t come close to conveying just how freakish this guy looked. 

He was nearly seven feet tall, with a long torso and strong but gangly arms and legs, and his hands, feet, and head were all disproportionately large. His skin was so pale it looked grey and he had wide, deep set eyes and a small mouth full of broken and sharp looking teeth. Dressed in black and covered in dirt and drying blood he made quite a terrifying sight. As he maneuvered around the other figure he’d been dragging, Genma realized it was a corpse, one well in the process of decaying if the smell blowing towards him was anything to go by.

If he is here alone this doesn't bode well for the girl…

He pulled out two senbon, both tipped in a non-lethal amount of verrucotoxin. In small doses it would cause intense pain, cardiac irregularities, paralysis, and respiratory distress, and in larger doses could be deadly. He didn’t want to kill this guy just yet, he needed to find out where the kid was. 

As he waited for the right moment to throw the poison tipped needles he heard the distinct sound of flesh ripping and watched as the man ripped open the dead flesh of the corpse he was standing over, the tissue and muscle being torn from bone as he stripped the skin off her torso and chest. He made some noise of delight as he reached down and gripped the bottom of the bodies exposed rib cage before pulling up and cracking it open like a shell, the sound of it setting Genma’s teeth on edge. 

The smell of putrefying flesh was steadily becoming stronger, enough that the tokubetsu had to start breathing through his mouth. 

What the hell is this guy doing? 

He didn’t have time to ponder the answer to his question as the target stood up from his hunched position, giving Genma a clear opening. Silently he threw the two senbon towards the targets neck.  
And watched in horror as they ricocheted off the grey flesh with a small grating sound. 

Stone Skin Jutsu?! He’s from Iwa then, I’d bet money on it. He thought as he jumped into a nearby bush, changing his position.

Shit, this isn’t good. 

“Hello, who are you?” A distorted voice said from directly behind him and Genma immediately withdrew a kunai from his weapons pouch and spun on his heel, intending on driving the blade into his visitor’s throat. However, the man behind him grabbed his arm mid arc and used the momentum to throw him into the tree directly to their left, knocking his breath out with the force of it. Almost as soon as his back impacted with the bark, the figure was towering over him, the grey face with it's large lifeless eyes staring at him. Bringing his legs up he kicked the man in the chest, using the tree behind him as a brace to add more power to his attack. The giant freak was launched into the clearing and Genma made a clone, sending it up into the tree and jumping into the clearing himself next to the man standing in the middle of the field. 

He smiled creepily as Genma held a kunai at the ready.  
“Where is the girl?” The imposter giggled impishly, turning his head to the side. 

“Girl? What girl?” He asked, taking a step forward and and performed a series of hand seals nearly too fast for the ANBU to see, but he saw enough to avoid the onslaught of stone shuriken that were sent his way, jumping up and using his clone to catch himself midair. He quickly formed seals of his own and created a wall of water to block the other ninja as he jumped towards him with a wakizashi aimed to take off his head. The other man just laughed again as the flow of the water wrenched the weapon from his grasp, forming a single hand sign and pulling back his arm punched cleanly through the barrier of water between them. Fortunately for Genma, his clone got punched instead of him, causing it to disappear in a puff of smoke, dropping it's creator. 

As his clone disappeared, Genma grabbed the man by his leg yanked down, using his own weight and momentum to pull the man under him and they landed hard in the dirt with Genma’s knee buried in the man’s solar plexus. A cough and the sound of spattering blood was all the brunette had time to register before he was trapped in a vice grip, the other man gripping Genma by his upper arm as the other colossal hand closed around his throat. He was flipped over, nearly landing in the remains of the mutilated corpse, and the man settled his weight across Genma’s hips.  
“Aren’t you lively, hmm?” It said. 

It, because this close Genma was getting a good look at exactly how inhuman this thing really looked. The skin that looked grey from a distance was almost translucent, veins visible on every bit of exposed skin, and eyes so deeply set in his head they looked like craters, the gigantic head hairless and misshapen. It was like something out of a nightmare. 

“Koji wonders if you’re pretty too.” It, Koji, said releasing the hand around his throat and reached up to pull his ANBU mask off. As soon as his fingers brushed over the cool ceramic Genma’s chakra charged fist shot out and punched him in the side of the head. It seemed to piss him off more than anything, the first reaction the tokubetsu had seen so far. Koji’s mouth pulled downwards in some hellish mockery of a frown and he took his own fist and smashed Genma’s mask to pieces instead. The blow was strong enough to not only shatter his mask but to momentarily make its owner black out. 

When he came back too, Koji was brushing his hair out of his face and picking pieces of ceramic out of it. He could feel the blood running down his face and forehead from where the sharp pieces had cut into him, blood soaking into the collar of his uniform and pooling in his ears because of how he was laying.

“So pretty, so pretty. But Koji knows what would be even prettier. Insides, insides are always prettier, so nice and shiny.” Koji looked over at the corpse next to them, the smell making Genma’s stomach turn. He smiled and leaned over to stick his arm elbow deep into it’s chest cavity, covering himself in more tissue and viscera. As he leaned forward the pressure on the hand around Genma’s throat increased, all but cutting off his air supply. As he struggled to reach the weapons he had in his vest the brunette became frighteningly aware of something large and hard pressing into his stomach.  
Oh god he’s got a stiffy for a stiff. 

This realization only made Genma want to puke more than he had to before, the panic it caused making him redouble his efforts to reach the explosive tags in his vest. He was not about to be fucked by some necrophiliac Frankenstein looking mother fucker in the middle of nowhere. 

Finally reaching them he quickly grabbed one and reached up and slapped the tag to Koji’s shoulder and pulled his arms up to cover his face. 

The explosive wasn’t powerful enough to do much damage but it was enough to get the other man to let go and Genma squirreled away from him, his ears ringing and head dizzy from the sudden change in position and the rush of blood back to his brain.  
Koji yelled angrily and glared at Genma, the space between his shoulder and neck bleeding profusely. 

I need to wrap this up, someone is going to hear us and come snooping.

“Where is the girl Koji?”  
Koji yelled again, almost as though he was throwing a tantrum. “She’s mean so I made her take a bath! Heheh, but she bumped her head..” 

“Did you kill her?” Genma asked, already knowing the answer. Koji didn’t reply, just sent a wall of rock at him but Genma dodged easily and threw three senbon at him, these coated with a lethal toxin of his own making. Two of them hit their target, the wound to his shoulder slowing him down and unable to perform the seals to for the Stone Skin Jutsu. Within seconds he was on his hands and knees struggling to breathe as the poison began to paralyze his diaphragm, making it impossible to draw in air. As he kneeled struggling to breathe a headband fell from some hidden inner pocket, clattering to the ground heavily. Genma walked over and picked it up observing the crudely carved Leaf Village symbol in the cheap metal.  
Stowing it in his weapons pouch he walked up to the kneeling man and kneeled down to his level and without a word, channeled as much chakra as he could into his fist before driving it squarely into Koji’s face, the force of it making the back of his skull explode, sending blood and brain matter everywhere. The body slumped over lifelessly and Genma stood. 

I need to find the girl’s body.

He thought back to what a the man had said. He’d made her take a bath…  
He distantly heard the sounds of a river nearby and turned in the direction of it, not looking forward to whatever he might find.

He couldn’t lie and say there was a small part of him that didn’t even want to find the girl’s body, especially after the scene he’d witnessed in the clearing, he could only imagine what had been done to the kid. The shinobi in him knew that they had to retrieve her no matter what they found, even if it was just her remains…  
________

 

He had to walk nearly a mile up river before he found what he was looking for and the sight that greeted him was even worse than he had imagined it was going to be. 

The girl's body was propped up in a sitting position against a tree near the river’s edge, as though she was simply staring out at the rushing waters. As he came to a stop in front of her Genma truly would have given just about anything for that to be the case.

Her shoes and one sock were gone, both feet bloodied and blackened with dirt. Her knees were swollen and scabbed over, bruises trailing all the way up her small legs. The dress she had been wearing was nearly torn to shreds, the largest tear going up the front and stopping just below her ribcage, displaying underwear covered in blood and dried semen. It looked as though a chunk of flesh had been bitten out of the soft flesh of her arm just above her elbow, the limb itself twisted in an unnatural angle. Dried blood covered the back and sides of her head, out of her nose and ears, staining the strawberry blonde hair. One eye had popped out and was hanging by the optical nerve, the other eye bruised and blackened. As he kneeled down he could see more dried cum on the side of her face and in the clumped strands of hair near the large open wound on the top of her head.  
I can't take her back to them like this…  
His heart hurt for this girl who had suffered so much.  
The least I can do is clean her up. 

Ordinarily Genma would return bodies from missions like this in whatever condition he found them in, clean up duty wasn't what he was paid for, but this wasn't right. The girl deserved more respect than that.  
Carefully he picked the kid’s body up, feeling broken bones shift beneath his hands, and placed her closer to the river and spent the next 30 minutes cleaning the blood and body fluids off of her as best he could. 

When he was done he took the thermal blanket from his emergency pack and wrapped her in it before picking her up and heading in the direction of her home.  
________

 

It only took him 45 minutes to reach the compound where her family lived. Both of the girl's parents came rushing out when their guard alerted them of Genma's arrival. 

Gemma was careful to make sure to school his features into his usual mask of indifference when the mother immediately fell to her knees upon seeing the body carefully held in his arms, large tears running down her face. 

The father carefully took the body from Genma’s arms and held it close. “Thank you, Shinobi-san. For bring her home to us.” Genma bowed his head, not quite trusting himself to speak. “The man who did this, he was Leaf shinobi?” For the first time the daimyō looked him in the eyes and Genma saw emptiness. No anger, no hatred, just sorrow. The same look he had seen in so many others over the years. 

“No, this man was masquerading as a Konoha ninja. The headband he possessed was a fake, crudely made.” As he said this he pulled the fake haiate from his pouch, showing it to the man. 

“True shinobi headbands are made from tungsten because of it's strength and durability. This is most likely made of nickel plated lead.” The man nodded, seeming to accept Genma's brief explanation. 

The girl's mother stood quietly and taking the body from her arms cast an sorrowful look towards the setting sun before walking inside.  
“I'll take my leave now.” Genma said before disappearing in a puff of smoke.


	3. Blue Jays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this chapter is a touch shorter than the others but I swear I proof read this bitch like 10 times. So. Yeah,   
> More Genma whump, yay.   
> The relationship between Genma and Sakura is going to be brother/sister or really close friends. (NOT Romantic. He’s 30,she’s 17. Nah.)  
> Thinking about putting Sakura with Deidara if I ever introduce him in this. Idk yet.  
> And I’ll be goddmaned, I think I finally got the formatting right.

 

 

_ Tonight I drink to you _ _   
_ _ for all the times we spent _ _   
_ _ and all the times we didn't get _ _   
_ _ and I'll meet you again _ _   
_ _ blanketed in soil _ _   
_ _ fossilized in photographs _ _   
_ _ can't say it doesn't hurt _ _   
_ _ the beating second hand that tortures me _ _   
_ _ cause your not here _ _   
_ _ cause your not here _ __   
  


_ I'm too tired to eat _ _   
_ _ too tired to breathe _ _   
_ _ too tired to deal with all of these tragedies _ _   
_ _ but I'm too scared _ _   
_ _ I'm too scared _ _   
_ __ to sleep

 

**_Blue Jays_ ** _ by  _ **_Days n’ Daze_ **

 

When Tsunade walked into her office Tuesday morning, a half asleep Sakura trailing behind her and wiping sleep from her eyes, she wasn’t at all surprised to see the pile of mission reports sitting neatly stacked on her desk. She was actually glad to see as many as she did because it meant that these missions had been completed and( if all was well), these ninja were home and ready to be sent out for their next job. It meant progress was being made to hack through the influx of requests they’d had lately and the sooner things were back to their standard workflow, the sooner she could start letting people relax. 

 

What she  **_was not_ ** expecting to see in her office that morning was the slumped figure on the couch, and the smell of death. Her first thought was just why the hell this kid decided her office was a better place to crash than their own home. 

_ Honestly, they act like this is some sort of halfway house. _

 

As she walked over to the figure with her hands on her hips, she heard Sakura following close behind her in curiosity.

 

Over the past year of working with the girl Tsunade learned that not only was Sakura incredibly intelligent for her age, with strong critical thinking skills and above average cognitive abilities even for a shinobi, she had also learned that the girl’s thirst for knowledge knew no end. There was no situation she had been placed in thus far that she had shied away from, including some of the more grievous injuries and diseases that even some veteran medics felt discomfort with; the pink haired girl had absorbed every detail she could asking questions left and right. And the cherry to top all of it, was her ability to  **_apply_ ** what she was learning nearly instantaneously. It was something Tsunade wouldn’t believe if she didn’t witness it on an almost daily basis. 

 

She came to a stop over the figure on the couch and didn’t even have time to do much more than glance over the dirtied ANBU uniform before the pinkette behind her gave a small gasp and a whispered “Genma?!” 

Glancing up at the figure’s battered face she realized Sakura was right, it indeed was Shirunai and his eyes shot open the minute his name left the young girl’s mouth. And boy did it look like someone had put him through the ringer, bruises covering almost half of his face and cuts and scrapes were dotted around his cheekbone.

 

Not trying to hide her annoyance the Hokage tapped her foot as the tokubetsu sat up slowly, seeming a bit dazed. “Shirunai, just what the hell do you think you’re doing in my office?” Her shouting didn’t seem to phase him at all as he just blinked owlishly at her for a few seconds, mouth forming words his vocal chords didn’t seem to want to produce. Clearing his throat quietly he tried again, glancing at Sakura warily. “I have news about my mission.” 

 

“News that couldn’t wait till I read your mission report?” She asked skeptically, her temper starting to fade as she listened to how hoarse his voice sounded. He’d better not have gotten himself sick, she needed him for quite a few more high profile missions. 

 

He shook his head, bangs falling into his eyes without the usual bandanna to hold them back. She heard his breathing catch then shift into something much more measured than before. He looked up at her for the first time that morning. Even with the bright light of the morning sun shining directly in his face, she noticed that his eyes were dilated, pupils blown wide and hiding most of the honey colored irises. Well that explained why he seemed to be having trouble concentrating, the poor kid was concussed. She sighed and kneeled in front of him, the last of her ire fading in the wake for her concern for him. Gods, she was going soft. 

 

_ You are not supposed to mother hen your Guard Platoon! _

 

“Any head injuries lately?” She quipped, checking him over and noting the dirt and blood that was crusted to every uncovered bit of skin. Genma only grunted in conformation, gritting his teeth together hard enough for her to see the muscle in his jaw flex. She brushed her fingers through his hair gently, green chakra cocooning her hand as she catalogued the damage. It was nothing too bad, he’d gotten his brain racked pretty good but that was it. He’d be feeling pretty terrible for the next few days. 

 

“Just a mild concussion, some swelling. You’ll be fine.” She was going soft maybe but that certainly didn’t mean she was feeling generous, he could heal the old fashioned way. If she started doling out healing sessions Willy Nilly this would become a habit. 

 

At some point Sakura had sat herself next to the jonin, looking at him with a deep frown, her slim eyebrows creased together in worry. It hadn’t escaped Tsunade’s notice that her young charge had gotten close to her guards, Aoba and Iwashi got the usual friendly jokes and talk whenever Sakura was around them but it seemed she had taken a shine to Genma and Raidō.  **_Especially_ ** Genma. The blonde Sannin couldn’t quite tell if it was some kind of crush or just a strange obsession with the man but Sakura treated Genma with the same abrasive friendship she used with Naruto and Kakashi. She had even referred to him once as one of  _ her boys _ . 

 

Genma, for all his poor social skills took it in stride, treating the pinkette just as he treated Raidō, albeit with fewer crude jokes. And maybe that was it, why the girl gravitated towards him, because he treated her like everyone else. Not like a student, like a subordinate, a  _ kid. _ He treated her like an adult. Hell, he’d even started sparring with her on occasion and beat her into the dirt like an adult. 

 

Sakura brushed some of Genma’s dirty hair out of his face and pulled him down to lay his head on her shoulder while murmuring something to him. 

 

“Secrets don’t make friends Sakura.” The Hokage said as she sat at her desk and popped open Genma’s mission report, which happened to be on the top of the stack, meaning he hadn’t been back in the village for long. 

 

The girl looked up and had the gall to look annoyed with  _ her _ . “Shishou, I think he needs to go to the hospital.” She said and the man leaning on her shoulder actually  _ growled _ , finding that to be the only way to vocalize his displeasure at the idea. Tsunade snorted, eyes roving over the paper in front of her. “Well he seems to disagree, and supposedly has something to tell me about his mission.” 

 

She watched Genma out of the corner of her eye as he pushed himself up from where he had propped himself on Sakura’s shoulder and looked between the two females. 

“Sakura, if you could leave us for a moment?” 

Without a word the girl walked out, closing the door gently behind her. 

“The imposter, I believe he was an Iwa shinobi, or at least someone from that area.” Genma said slowly, like it was talking him time to sort his thoughts out. “He used Stone Skin Jutsu which I’ve been told can only be used by a handful of people from the Surēto region.”

 

“You are correct…. This changes some things. Thank you for passing along that information.” Tsunade said as she steepled her fingers together, resting her chin on them. Genma nodded and stood from the couch slowly. “Tell Sakura I’ll be on the training grounds this afternoon if she’d like to come by? And I appreciate her concern.” Tsunade ignored him and he shunshined away, leaving her with her thoughts.

 

_ This changes quite a bit...Ōnoki, what are you playing at? _

* * *

  
  
  


Genma barely made it through his bedroom window before he lost his battle against the nausea that had been making itself harder and harder to ignore. Falling gracelessly from the windowsill he leaned over the trash can next to his desk just as his stomach muscles contracted and he gagged harshly. Bracing himself against the wall and desk as his stomach heaved again part of him wondered how long this was going to last, he was ready to sleep for a week. Groaning quietly he finally threw up, bile making a wet ‘splat’ against the paper and plastic in the bottom of the trashcan, the acid causing his eyes water and throat to burn. 

 

_ Fuck that hurts. Ugh- _

 

He didn’t get to finish his thought as his stomach flipped again and he started dry heaving, his body trying to force out something that wasn't there. Off handedly he tried to remember the last time he had actually eaten something. He hadn't had anything before he’d left on the mission; the day before they went to the bar? Yeah that was it, he and Raidō had gone on one of their ‘dates’. (Date in this case meaning: they argued about where to go for 20 minutes while naming off 5 or 6 places before they settled on Ichiraku. Raidō paid because it was his turn and Genma made kissy faces at him and told him stupid jokes to help get Raidō out of his bad mood.) 

 

That was Friday and today ...was Tuesday? 

 

_ Oops.  _

 

It wasn't until after a good 23 seconds of his abdominal muscles spamming back to back he started to worry.

 

_ Fuck, I can’t breathe.  _

 

He gagged again. 

 

Another 18 seconds passed.

 

Just as his chest and shoulders were starting to ache with just how hard he was heaving, it stopped; although the nausea was still there it was nowhere near as bad as it had been. He breathed in deeply but slowly a few times, lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. Sage, he couldn't remember ever puking that hard in his life. 

 

Leaning back against the wall Genma sighed tiredly and began pulling his armor off piece by piece, being careful not to move too quickly lest he have a repeat performance. He was down to his black shirt and pants when he looked between his bed and the bathroom door, contemplating. On one hand he needed a shower,  _ badly _ . On the other hand,  _ he was really fucking tired. _ No sooner had the thought crossed his mind Genma’s head thumped lightly against the wall behind him and he closed his eyes, falling asleep before he could finish arguing with himself. 

* * *

  
  
  


When he awoke the sun was high in the sky and his back was killing him, alerting him to the fact that maybe it hadn’t been his best idea to pass out slumped against the wall like a rag doll. Grunting he pushed himself off the floor, using the edge of the desk to pull himself up. A series of knocks on his door made him glance in the direction of the living room, wondering idly if that had been what had woken him up to begin with. “Yeah yeah, I’m coming hang on.” He yelled as he made his way to the front door, wondering who the hell would be coming to his apartment in the middle of the day. 

 

Swigging the door open he was greeted by a shock of pink hair and a pair of bright emerald eyes glaring up at him. He let out a surprised noise while leaning against the door jam, looking at the girl curiously. “What are you doing here kid? I thought you’d be at the hospital till at least 4.” He inwardly winced as he spoke, his throat still hurt from nearly being strangled to death and his voice sounded raspy even in his own ears.

 

Sakura huffed at him and put one hand on her hip while jabbing the finger of the opposite hand into his chest accusingly. 

“Tsunade let me off early today because  _ I _ was  _ worried  _ about you _ ,  _ because  _ you’re _ a stubborn  _ asshole _ .”

With each word she poked her finger into his chest harder and harder, slowly backing him into his apartment until they were both standing near his coffee table, door left wide open behind the pink haired girl. He put his hands up in mock surrender and just looked down at her indifferently, trying to figure out how to get out of a trip to the hospital. 

 

“Hey, look kid there’s no need for that, I’m doing just fine. Just need some sleep and I’ll be good to go.” Her angry expression didn’t change and he sighed, feeling himself starting to get annoyed as well. Why couldn’t everyone leave him alone? It was bad enough that Raidō was otherwise preoccupied when he’d gotten back, and thus he couldn’t vent to his friend, but now he had Sakura in here pestering him. For fucks sake he was 30 years old, he knew how to take care of himself!

 

_ That’s not fair, she’s just worried and trying to help... _

 

The girl continued staring at him, not moving a muscle and Genma sighed. The kid was too stubborn for her own good, she really was. Crossing his arms over his chest he leveled his gaze on her and offered a compromise.

“Look, how about we make a deal? I don’t do hospitals, but if you’re that worried then you can hang around until you decide I’m not going to drop dead. Okay?” 

 

The medic-in-training seemed to consider his terms for a few moments before she nodded in agreement. “Deal.”

 

“Good, now I’m going to go shower so keep yourself amused till I get back.” And with that the tokujo walked back into his room.

 

Sakura eyed Genma thoughtfully as he walked out of the bedroom after finishing his shower. His looked a little better now that he had scrubbed all the blood and dirt off of his face, though the bruising around his eye and over his cheekbone looked even harsher against the now clean skin. He’d walked out with just a pair of loose black sweatpants on and she could see more black and purple marks ringing his neck, on his upper arm, and more on the crest of his shoulder blades. However, she didn’t see any other injuries which made her feel a bit better. But only a bit. 

 

Despite the lack of serious injuries she was still greatly concerned about the jonin as she watched him maneuver around the small kitchenette as he set about making coffee. She’d noticed over the past few weeks that he’d been acting more withdrawn and quiet.

 

When she’d first started her tutelage under Tsunade, Genma and Raidō were there every day; rain or shine and she’d immediately been enamored with them. 

 

Raidō was an intimidating looking guy, with wide shoulders and winding scars that contorted a good portion of his face. He had a no nonsense attitude and kept his responses sort and to the point.  _ Most of the time _ . After she had actually gotten to know the spiky haired man she realized he was an absolute  _ goofball. _ He made terrible puns whenever he had the chance and always shared his lunch with her when she forgot to pack one of her own. He liked watching shitty B movies and had a bad habit of doodling on his paperwork when he was bored and loved collecting all kinds of weapons. He was a great guy and had a very endearing personality; which was probably why he and Genma were together almost 24/7.

 

When she’d first met Genma,(  _ actually met him, _ not just remembered him as a proctor during the Chunin exams) he’d initially reminded her of Kakashi-sensei; with the aloof, disinterested attitude, and carefully blank expression. But the more she hung around the tokubetsu, the more she realized he was an absolute wild card. While he did have one of the best poker faces she had ever seen, he also had a quick temper at times and was even quicker to make stupid jokes at everyone’s (including his own) expense. He had a very warped sense of humor but he always seemed to be able to make her laugh whenever she was in a bad mood. He was a genuine sweetheart under all the dirty jokes and veneer of apathy. He was even able to go toe to toe with Tsunade’s scathing wit. 

 

And to top it all off, the both of them were complete metal heads. Which initially surprised her, but the more she thought about it the more it seemed to fit them perfectly. They’d both made it their personal mission to get it her to stop listening to the, quote ‘meaningless bubblegum pop’ she liked to listen to and had taken her to record stores and lent her their own personal CDs. She actually found that she liked a bit of the more melodic styles they had introduced her to. Her favorite was Bullet for My Valentine, though both of them insisted all the albums after ‘Fever’ sucked. It was nice though, to have something to do with them, even when they started ranting about music.

 

(Genma also tried to get her listen to punk bands like Rancid, Black Flag, Datsuns, and Days ‘N’ Daze which she wasn’t as big of a fan of but she didn’t necessarily dislike either. Bless Raidō, who tried to get her into Stitches and Die Antwoord and it just didn’t happen.)

 

But something had changed, he wasn’t as quick to laugh anymore, seemed to be lost in his own thoughts more often than not, though he was doing a damn good job of pretending like nothing had changed, it didn’t fool her. She knew Raidō had noticed as well, but he hadn’t mentioned anything to her and she didn’t know if they had addressed it with each other.

 

Which was why she was sitting in his small apartment, watching him go through the motions of making coffee and noting the small tremors in his hands that he tried to hide.

 

Wordlessly he slid a mug of steaming liquid over to her and she took it greatly, throat dry as he leaned back against the opposite side of the counter, giving her an unobstructed view of his torso. While it didn’t surprise her that he was  _ very _ in shape (most shinobi were and she’d worked at the hospital for 10 months now, she’d seen nearly every active duty ninja in some state of undress at this point) she did raise her eyebrow at how thin he was. 

 

His usual baggy uniform and thick flak vest left a lot to the imagination but she had always assumed he’d be around the same size as Raidō seeing as she knew they shared uniforms every now and then, but now that she had the chance to really look at him she realized that wasn’t the case. Wherever there wasn’t a layer of finely corded muscle there were bones that jutted out farther than she knew was healthy. It only amplified her concern.

 

“Kid?”

 

Genma’s voice nearly made her jump and she drew her gaze back up to his face to see him giving her a pensive look. “Where did you go space kadet? I’ve been talking to you for the last 2 minutes.”

 

Sakura laughed nervously, apologizing. “Sorry, guess I’ve just got a lot on my mind. What were you asking?” He put his mug back down on the counter and she saw that his hands weren't shaking as badly as they had been a few minutes ago. 

“Was asking if you wanted to go out to the training grounds so I could kick your ass for waking me up.”  

Letting out a rather unladylike snort the pinkette replied “And if I kick your ass? You know, since you’re so  _ tired. _ ”

 

“Tch, won’t happen.”

Sakura hmm’ed thoughtfully, tapping a finger on her cheek. “How about I buy you dinner as an apology for waking you up and then we go to the training grounds so you can show me that new jutsu you were telling me about the other day and no one gets any ass kicked?”

 

Genma raised an eyebrow at her but gave no other reaction. “Well...I suppose I can’t turn down free food..” Sakura clapped her hands and smiled.

“It’s a date!” Genma  _ did _ make a face at that. 

 

“Ah, let’s not use the word date, people already think I’m a womanizer, I don’t need them thinking I’m into 17 year olds. No offense.” Sakura just rolled her eyes and jumped off her chair. “Oh please, no one’s gonna think that.”

 

Genma just laughed and shook his head. “Your naivety is endearing sometimes. Let me change and we can go.”

* * *

  
  


Thirty minutes later they were sitting in a small shop just down the road from the training grounds and Sakura was watching Genma pick his way through a plate of torikatsu while ranting about how much of a pain in the ass it was going to be to have to get a new ANBU mask made. She eyeballed him as she finished the last of her yakitori. “Are you even supposed to be telling me stuff like that? I thought all ANBU business was top secret?”

 

Genma just shrugged while he used his chopsticks to point at her. “Telling you details about the mission itself is prohibited but basic stuff like that is generally ok. Like, if someone tortures you for information about the mission they’ll be s.o.l. because all you know is that my mask got broken. That’s not going to help anyone. Now if i told you WHO did it, that would be different.”

 

“Uh huh.” She stirred her drink with her straw and watched the ice roll around in the glass. Genma placed his senbon back in his mouth and pulled out his wallet before tossing a few bills on the table. Sakura slapped her hand down in protest, “Hey hey I thought we agreed I was paying?” The brunette rolled his eyes and stood, shoving his hands in his pockets and giving her that damned emotionless stare. “Eh, too slow. Get it next time huh?”

 

The girl rolled her eyes and got up, following him as they began walking towards the training grounds. 

 

“Sooo, I forgot to ask, what exactly does this jutsu do?”

“Mmm, it shows you your greatest fear. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure Kakashi said he’s used it on you before. Hell Viewing Jutsu?”

 

Sakura’s eye twitched in embarrassment as she remembered her pitiful display of girlishness during the bell test. That definitely hadn’t been her proudest moment, but she could say that she had been genuinely traumatized for a few days from having a high level genjutsu used on her. 

 

“You know I’m starting to think we should just spar, I don’t really want to have a revisit of that.”

 

Genma laughed, “You’re just saying that because you suck at genjutu.”

“SO DO YOU!” She yelled indignantly, already gearing up to wipe that smug expression off his face. Where did he get off shit talking her genjutsu abilities when he was just as terrible. Dickhead.

 

“Hey we aren’t discussing my shortcomings here, this is about you.” 

“Well if it’s about me then I’ll make the rules today. No senbon, shuriken, or explosive tags, ninja wire and kunai only, no genjutsu, open field only if you cross the tree line you’re out of bounds and it’s an automatic loss. Best 3 of 5.”

Genma rolled his senbon to the opposite side of his mouth looking mildly annoyed but didn’t complain and pulled his hands from his pockets. 

 

“Ladies first.”

Sakura smirked and channeled a small amount of chakra into her fist and pounced on the tokujo.

He didn’t even bother to dodge her punch that was aimed at his chest, grabbing her wrist and pulling it aside, he used her own momentum to pull her body almost flush with his and his other hand came up behind her, kunai aimed at her spine. 

 

The pinkette bent at the knees, dropping low and feeling the front of her body brushing over his flak jacket, then gathered chakra into her feet and thighs before launching herself into his middle. The move unbalanced him, unprepared for the amount of force she put into her tackle. They both fell backwards, Sakura reaching up to grab the hand still holding his kunai in a tight grasp, pulling their clasped hands between their torsos, using her weight to force it into his chest. 

 

The minute the sharp point dipped past the material of his vest he disappeared in a cloud of smoke, the log from a substitution falling to the ground. 

 

Bringing her arms up in an X in front of her face she blocked a kick that sent her sailing backwards into the air. Flipping mid-air she landed on her feet just in time for Genma to appear to her left, kunai aimed for her eye. Bringing her arm up to block she grabbed the pressure point in his wrist, causing him to drop the blade. Tightening her grip on his arm she flipped him over her shoulder to bring him in front of her. A sudden kick to the side of the head made her release her grip on him and she stumbled a bit, and then she felt something tighten around her ankles and she fell on her ass. 

 

Looking down she saw ninja wire connected to the end of the kunai she’d made him drop and another one a few feet away, all running to the brunette’s clenched fist.

 

“Genma: 1, Sakura: 0.”


	4. My Hollow Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye, I’m kinda meh about this chapter but overall I don’t hate it. Got some good stuff going here.
> 
> Anywho, this chapter involves self harm and homophobia so if that’s not your thing don’t read.
> 
> Also in this chapter ‘Kakas-sensei’ isn’t a typo, I prefer the dub of the original series and it honest to gods sounds like that’s how they say his name and it’s adorable. Got a bit of Kakashi’s pov in this too, which I was trying to avoid as not to butcher his character but I feel like his cameo is brief enough that I didn’t fuck him up too badly.
> 
> Also not going to lie, I didn’t proofread this fr fr so if there’s any grammatical issues just let me know and I’ll fix them.
> 
> Also thank you to the cool cucumbers that left reviews, you the real mvp.
> 
> The stuff in fancy bold are flashbacks and regular bold is just emphasis.

 

 

_ You like to give me strength _

_ To face the daily dirt _

_ (Two) _

_ You fill my hollow heart _

_ With fake self worth _

_ (Three) _

_ You like to let me know _

_ I cannot break the spell _

_ Drag Me To Hell _ by _ Lord of the Lost _

  
  
  


Their little sparring session continued in much the same fashion, Genma’s lightning fast reflexes keeping him from taking any hits from the girl’s chakra strengthened limbs and his battle experience meaning he saw through any tricks she tried to pull, though that wasn’t really her forte regardless. She liked the straight forward approach. Usually when they spared she could at least get a few shots in on him, but this time either she was off her game or Genma didn’t  _ want _ to get hit. Either way he was making this much harder on her than he usually did. And he was being  _ smug _ about it too, the jackass. She knew he was just trying to egg her on to distract her but that didn’t mean it wasn’t pissing her off.

 

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kakashi on the edge of the training field,  **Make Out Tactics** in its usual position, held between his slim fingers, though she could tell he was watching them over the top of the white pages. 

Genma noticed too. He dodged another of Sakura’s attacks and grabbed onto her arm and jabbed two fingers into the pressure points on her shoulder, rendering her arm temporarily useless. Her angry expression was the only thing he saw before she let out an exasperated scream and promptly headbutted him directly in the nose. 

To her credit it was a good reaction, in an actual battle it probably would have caught even a seasoned shinobi off guard. Which was why Genma could only smile at her proudly even though blood was pouring out of his nose. 

 

“Good job kid. I sure as hell wasn't expecting that.”

Sakura’s eyes lit up and she looked elated that she'd finally hit him. “Cha, I'm getting pretty good at this! That's the first time I've hit you hard enough to draw blood isn't it?” Genma nodded and swiped his hand under his nose, smearing blood all over his hand and the side of his face. 

  
  
  


Kakashi was glad he had decided to take his little detour around training ground 10 on his way back from his daily visit to the Memorial Stone (variety was the spice of life after all) as it had lead him to a rather surprising but entertaining scene. From his position leaning against one of the trees lining the open field he had a perfect view of his (former) student as she tried her hardest to land a hit on Genma Shiranui.

Smiling as he watched her bounce around the jonin he couldn’t help the pang of guilt that coursed through him. He knew he should have been more proactive in the development of the girl’s shinobi abilities, but he would be the first to admit he’d gotten tunnel vision with Sasuke. It wasn’t fair to her or Naruto but at the time he thought he was doing what was best. 

 

_ And look where that landed you.  _

 

If someone had asked the Copy Ninja two years ago if he would ever feel guilt over the loss of genin students, he probably would have shrugged and brushed them off. For years his armor of indifference had been solid, impenetrable; he didn’t let anyone get close to avoid the pain when they inevitably left (got killed). But then the Third had foisted  _ those  _ three brats on him and he’d be damned if they hadn’t wormed their way into his heart. They had looked up to him, even though he was sporadic and inconsistent nearly every step of the way. Tough love and all that. 

 

But then again, had the events of the past year not transpired, Naruto wouldn't be studying with Jiraiya, and Sakura wouldn't be training under Tsunade to become one of the best medical ninja the world had ever seen and Kakashi couldn't decide if it was worth the loss of the last member of Team 7. 

 

“Kakas-sensei! What did you think of that!?” The pinkette said running over to him looking smug as Genma trailed behind her lazily, and hands in his pockets and senbon bobbing back and forth in his mouth. 

 

He couldn't help smiling at her beneath his mask, deciding that in this moment looking at the kid's proud expression that yes, he wouldn't trade the girls happiness and accomplishments even for their former teammate. 

 

“Very well done Sakura, you've been busy working on your skills haven't you?” He said, mimicking Genma's relaxed pose as he listened to her give him a brief explanation of what she'd been up to the past few months. 

 

“She's damned tough, that's for sure.” The tokujo remarked as he glanced at the Chunin who smiled at his compliment and stuck her tongue out at him. “Oh you're just a big baby!” 

“Hey that's not nice! Isn't it bad enough you hit me with that big ass forehead of yours?” Genma mock pouted then yelped when Sakura kicked him in the shin. “WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY FOREHEAD?!”

 

“Nothing nothing!”

Crossing her arms and looking indignant Sakura glared the brunette down before spinning back around and launching herself into Kakashi’s torso, hugging him tightly. The Copy Ninja froze for a moment, not expecting her display of affection but placing his hand on her head after a moment, enjoying the contact. The girl looked up at him smiling, reminding him so much of that innocent kid she’d been when they’d embarked on their mission to Wave. “It was good to see you sensei, try to come by the hospital more often. I miss your antics.” She’d said it jokingly but he could hear the sadness in her voice and wondered idly of she missed  _ him _ or the way things used to be before they’d gravitated away from each other. 

 

Smiling behind his mask he nodded minutely.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Sakura grinned again before releasing him from her hold, instead grabbing Shiranui by the hand and pulling him away.

“Later Kakashi.” The tokujo said with a wave of his hand as he let the pinkette drag him away.

* * *

 

 

Raidō was at his apartment when he and Sakura returned, lounged in his usual spot on the couch and lazily flipping through channels on tv. Sakura smiled and bounced over to him, flipping over the back of the couch and landing on top of the scarred man. “Raidō guess what I did!” 

He put his arm around her shoulders and glanced between her and his partner. “Well it looks to me like you busted his nose. Good job kid!” She high fived him as Genma made a show of being pseudo-offended as he walked into the kitchen to wash the blood off of his face. “I’m bleeding over here and you two are just laughing at me. Worst friends ever.” Pulling his bandanna off and setting it on the counter he walked back into the living room and nearly ran into Sakura who was standing next to the couch. 

 

“Come here you big baby, I’ll fix your nose.” 

Genma crossed his arms and stood in front of the girl and crossed his arms, flicking his senbon in the direction of her outstretched hand. She only huffed and popped him on the cheek before the only thing he could see was her glowing hand. After a few seconds she pulled her hand back and looked pleased with herself.

 

“There, good as new. I guess I need to head home, Tsunade wants me at the Hokage tower at 4 a.m. tomorrow. I’ll see you guys in the morning!” She said, giving Genma a quick hug before making her way to the door, closing it softly behind her as she left. 

 

“She’s got a crush on you dude.” Raidō said lightly as Genma made his way over to the couch and laid on top of his friend, sighing.  

“She’ll learn better. How’s Yugao? I saw you guys were having  _ fun _ last night.” Genma asked as he closed his eyes and listened to Rai’s heartbeat quicken.

 

The scarred man didn’t really feel guilty about fucking their dead friend’s fiance because Yugao had approached  _ him _ claiming that she was feeling lonely and she just wanted to be close to someone for a bit, someone she could trust. They’d had this arrangement for a while actually, when they just needed to decompress or some company they’d take a tumble between the sheets. While Yugao’s reasons for doing so were a way for her to stay connected to humanity without Hayate, so she could feel like something other than another gear in the war machine, Raidō’s reasons were drastically different. 

 

He slept with the violet haired girl because he  _ couldn’t _ have Genma. 

 

**_“Aunt Yuna! Aunt Yuna! Guess what?!”_ **

**_A young boy with shaggy brown hair and golden skin yelled as he ran inside the home where he’d lived with his aunt Yuna and uncle Touma since his parents had died a few years earlier. His aunt smiled as she placed the kunai she was cleaning on the towel she had laid out on the dining table, looking up at her nephew’s widely smiling face. The 15 year old proudly presented the paperwork in his hands to her, placing his hands on his hips smugly as she skimmed over the front cover of the file._ **

 

**_Dear Raidō Namashi,_ **

**_Your recent field promotion to Tokubetsu Jonin has brought to our attention your exemplary skills at team work, situational assessment and loyalty to your village. The Hokage would like to offer you a position as a part of his Elite Guard Platoon.  This position will…_ **

 

**_She didn’t bother to continue reading before she reached out and hugged him happily. “Congratulations Rai! I’m so proud of you! This is a huge honour, to protect the Hokage during times of conflict.” While she couldn’t be happier for him she was also worried for his safety; he was a very capable shinobi but he was still just a kid and they were in the middle of a war._ **

 

**_“Don’t worry Aunt Yuna, Genma will be with me! He got a letter too!” She looked at him, surprised before she noticed the shorter boy behind him, hands in his pockets and chewing on a throwing needle. Her smile faltered a little but Raidō didn’t seem to notice as he backed up and threw his arm around the other boy’s shoulders. She stood from her chair and picked up her kunai. “Well why don’t you two have a seat and tell me about this promotion you failed to mention?” Walking back into the kitchen she only half listened as her nephew told her about the last mission they had been on, lost in her own thoughts._ **

 

**_She had noticed over the past few years that her nephew had grown VERY close to the Shiranui boy. While she had no problem with the boy’s parents she did not like the influence he was having on her sister’s son. While most ninja had no hang ups about physical contact with comrades, the two boys were constantly in contact in some way, whether it was standing shoulder to shoulder, limbs splayed across the others, or Raidō constantly carrying Genma around everywhere. It bothered her, though not nearly as much and the looks the two boys had started sharing. It had been recent, the first time she'd noticed the way Raidō had looked at the other boy like he was the 8th wonder of the world, the way he should have been looking at girls. She nearly slammed down the cup in her hand. It was unacceptable for her nephew to be interested in the company of homosexuals. She was not going to allow that boy to taint the last thing she had left of her sister._ **

 

**_“Aunt Yuna?” A small voice from behind her said. She turned and upon seeing the two boys, hands clasped innocently, she threw the glass in her hand at the wall directly between the two boy's heads. “Raidō! Genma leaves. Now!” Her nephew looked at her, and hurt and confused, before he could utter a response Genma released his hand and backed away._ **

 

**_“Wait, no I don't understand! Why does he have to leave?” The short haired boy asked desperately, he was looking between his best friend and his only living family member. “Because that boy is not right and I'm not going to stand for it in this house!”_ **

**_Genma's flat expression didn't change but he did back farther away, hunching his shoulders to make himself smaller. “What do you mean?”_ **

**_“Don't think I haven't noticed the way you two have been acting. He's gotten it into your head that it's ok for two boys to be together like a man and a woman!” Raidō’s face contorted in confusion._ **

**_“Why does it matter?! He’s-”_ **

**_“He’s abnormal and I will not have him taint you, not while you live in this house, not ever! I am your guardian and you will do as I say!”_ **

 

**_That was the last and only time he hand ever held his friend’s hand._ **

 

“Rai will you snap the fu-” Genma didn’t get to finish his sentence before Raidō shoved the younger man off of him; Genma who was half asleep and not expecting the sudden aggression yelped as he fell, slamming his head against the coffee table on his way down.  

 

“The hell’s that supposed to mean?” the short haired man said angrily, sitting up and glaring down at his friend. Later he would realize that he had really overreacted, his rage more from the memory than anything Genma had done.

“Fuck man what what was that for?  _ Shit _ …” 

 

“You have something against me fucking her?” Genma looked up at him like he’d grown another head. “What? No, why the hell would I care what you’re sticking your dick in?” 

“Sure sounded like you had something to say.” Raidō said as he stood up, towering over the other tokujo and feeling a twinge of guilt at the hurt that flashed across Genma’s face. 

 

“What are we even arguing about dude? I was just-...You know what, nevermind.” The smaller man sighed and rubbed the back of his head exhaustedly. His social battery was already drained from entertaining Sakura all day, not to mention he was still tired from his mission and the shit quality of sleep he’d gotten the past few days. He didn’t have the energy to argue, hell he didn’t have the energy to  _ care _ about whatever stupid shit Raidō felt insulted about. Standing up and brushing himself off he leveled an expressionless gaze at the scarred man. “Maybe you should just go home huh? We have to be at the tower early in the morning.” 

Raidō blinked and sounded almost insulted. “Are you kicking me out of your apartment?” 

“No, I’m telling you to go home because I’m  _ tired. _ ” 

 

Gods he was  **so** tired.

 

“Fine, whatever. I’ll see you in the morning.” Raidō huffed giving his friend one last glance before he walked out the door, slamming it behind him. 

 

Genma stared at the door after his friend left and a part of him suddenly felt like crying. The last thing he had meant to do was piss Rai off. Like he always did. And now here he was, standing alone in his living room like a jackass.

 

Stripping off his uniform right there, Genma layed on the couch, cushions still warm from his friend’s body heat and closed his eyes against the moisture he could feel starting to gather on his lashes.

 

_ Got a natural talent for fucking up don’t you Shiranui...How bad will it have to be before Rai won’t want anything to do with you anymore? _

 

The intrusive thoughts crossed his subconscious and try as he might he couldn’t ignore them as well as he usually could. 

 

_ Bad enough you’re the reason a quarter of him looks like melted plastic. You’re the reason Yuna and Touma nearly disowned him. Couldn’t content yourself with fucking up your own life, had to fuck up his too, huh?  _

 

Pressing his face farther into the couch, his fingers brushed over the senbon he’d dropped when Raidō had shoved him away. Plucking the thin piece of metal from the floor he stared at it for a moment, mind wandering. 

 

_ There’s no one to spar with, it’s too late…..It would be a good stress reliever...a distraction...after all, what good have tears ever done you? _

 

Rolling onto his back and pulling up the fabric of his boxers a little, he ran his fingers over the faded rows of scars that rested there, starting about two inches above his knee and running all the way up the top of his thigh to just below his hip. Some had left raised scar tissue while others were barely visible anymore but Genma knew they were there. There was a matching set on his bicep.

 

_ What’s a few more? Not like anyone will notice right? _

 

Holding the sharp weapon tightly he placed the tip on the soft skin just above where his boxers ended and slowly drug the pointed edge across his skin, applying just enough pressure to make a thin slice that it took a few seconds for blood to well up from. Closing his eyes he felt disconnected from his body as he felt himself drag the weapon across his skin again, then again, and again until there was a crooked row of 10 cuts in his skin, blood slowly beading on the wounds. 

 

It didn’t stop the tears.  

 

He threw the senbon angrily, lodging it halfway into the wall with the force he’d thrown it with and curled up on his side as he choked down a sob. 

 

_ Stop crying, it’s never fixed anything before and it won’t now! _

 

He lay there for nearly an hour before he finally fell into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

 

Raidō yawned as he made his way to the Hokage tower that morning, not having time to stop by Genma’s apartment because he’d overslept and was only just going to make it there by the skin of his teeth. Running up the stairs that twisted around the outside of the tower two at a time he spotted Genma leaning on the railing looking out over the village. Stopping next to his partner, the older man put his hands in his pockets to ward off the early morning chill and began somewhat sheepishly, “About last night, I’m sorry...I know you didn’t mean anything by it, I guess I just expected you to be mad and read it the wrong way.”

 

Genma just shrugged in his usual unaffected way, pushing himself off the railing. “It’s cool, I think we were both just in a shitty mood last night. I wasn’t trying to give you flak for nailing her. We’re good.” He turned to look at Raidō and the other man immediately frowned. 

 

“Fuck Gen you look like hell. Did you get  _ any _ sleep last night?”

“Damn you really know how to make a guy feel good about himself, huh?”

 

Raidō couldn’t even pretend to be amused by Genma’s wisecracking, when he’d said the other tokubetsu looked bad, he’d meant it. He could tell Genma hadn’t bothered to shower that morning, hair looking slightly greasy even with his bandanna covering most of it. His normally lightly tanned skin was pale, making the dark bags under his eyes look even darker, and he was wearing the same uniform he’d worn yesterday; it was still spotted with dust and a few drops of blood near the collar.

 

“Stop making that face, I’m fine. Just couldn’t sleep for shit.” Genma said opening the door to walk into Tsunde’s office. Raidō wasn’t convinced. 

 

Thankfully, Tsunade was in a far better mood than she normally was, which meant the tokujo’s weren’t running around like headless chickens, but instead lounging on the ugly green couch and reading transcripts from old council meetings regarding the housing budgets for orphaned or destitute shinobi. Riveting stuff. 

 

To be more precise, Raidō was reading the transcripts, Genma had fallen asleep on him about an hour ago. He’d slid down on the couch until it was practically just his upper body on the seat cushions, legs splayed open in front of him, shins braced against the coffee table. It looked super fucking uncomfortable but he wasn’t about to wake the other man up, he looked like he needed all the sleep he could get.

 

Tsunade looked up at the two over the file she was holding and thought about the conversation she’d had with Inoichi Yamanaka. 

 

**_The blonde haired man placed a thick file on her desk. “Lady Hokage, I think you need to have a look at this.”_ **

**_“What is ‘this’?” The Sanin asked, picking up the folder up and opening it thoughtfully._ **

**_“Shiranui’s most recent psychological evaluation. It’s rather worrisome.” He watched as she flipped through the old information until she found the newest evaluation report._ **

 

**_Name :_ ** **_Shiranui, GENMA_ **

**_D.O.B :_ ** **_17th November (Age:30)_ **

**_Height_ ** **_: 5 ‘11’_ **

**_Weight : _ ** **_144 lbs_ **

**_Rank:_ ** **_Tokubetsu Jonin_ **

**_Position : _ ** **_Hokage Guard Platoon, (REDACTED)_ **

**_Status :_ ** **_Active Duty_ **

**_Observations:_ **

**_S., GENMA has undergone annual psychological evaluation and has been found to be fit for ACTIVE DUTY for the purpose of defence the Hokage and the village of Konoha. Testing has found there to be no obvious signs of psychological disturbance which would impair the abilities of this shinobi to perform duties as required…._ **

 

**_“It says he’s been cleared for active duty. What is the problem Yamanaka?”_ **

**_“While he did pass the evaluation itself, we have reason to believe he lied, he has before. There were some inconsistencies on the control questions.”_ **

**_“Anything to indicate that he isn’t fit to perform his duties as needed?” Yamanaka didn’t like the sound of that. He knew he was toeing the line with this, not having any hard evidence, but he’d known the Shiranui kid for a while and he knew something wasn’t right._ **

**_“Not as such…I do think that he needs to be kept under supervision to watch for any changes in his mental state.” Tsunade snapped the file closed and placed it in an inner drawer of her desk and nodded. “I trust your judgement on these things Inoichi. Thank you for informing me about this.”_ **

 

While she didn’t doubt that Shiranui had lied on his eval., there wasn’t much she could do right now. They needed every able bodied ninja and he had been granted active status so her hands were somewhat tied unless he fucked up. And she was  _ praying  _ that wouldn’t happen. Especially with the mission she was about to send them on.

 

“Boys! I have a mission for you!” The pair looked up at her and she pulled a folder from the stack on her desk. 

“It’s going to be a very delicate escort mission through Grass Country, Sakura will be going with you. The gentleman you’ll be escorting is one of Konoha’s biggest benefactors so naturally our enemies will be wanting to scatter across the Fire Country in an effort to defund us. You’ll be meeting up with his personal guard once you reach the Earth Country. After that you’ll return. This is an A Rank mission so I’d like you to prepare accordingly. It should take about two weeks.”

They both nodded and Tsunade handed Raidō the file. “One more thing. Bear will be shadowing you for this.”

When neither of them raised any arguments she shoo’d them away to prepare. 

* * *

  
  


Five hours later they were at the gate, chatting with Izumo and Kotetsu while they waited for Sakura and the guy they were supposed to escort to show up.

“Man I’m so jealous, we haven’t been on a mission outside the village in forever!” Kotetsu complained as he balanced his chair on the back legs, looking for all the world like he was going to die of boredom. Izumo rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s antics but didn’t comment. 

Raidō laughed and ruffled the kid’s hair, “Don’t worry, I’m sure you two will get the chance soon.”

A shout from afar pulled his attention from the Elite Chunin, looking up to see Sakura waving at him enthusiastically, and a tall well dressed man with a shock of bright red hair following behind her. That must the the guy they were supposed to escort then. Hazuka Jiro. He and Genma shared a look as the pair walked up to them. Jiro nodded to the tokujos politely.

 

“Genma and Raidō I presume?” 

“Hazuka-sama.” Raidō said with a nod. Genma was silent, sizing the man up before turning on his heel and walking towards the gates, Sakura running to catch up with him. 

“I’m surprised you bothered to learn our names, Hazuka-sama. No offence, however it seems a bit out of the ordinary.” The scarred man said as they began their journey. Jiro only laughed softly, pulling a pack of fancy cigarettes out of some hidden inner pocket and pulling one out. 

“I usually like to make a point to be friendly to those who may eventually hold my life in their hands. Seems reasonable, no?” Lighting the cigarette he looked up at the taller man with empty brown eyes, a fake smile plastered on his face. 

The shinobi turned his attention to the two in front, watching amusedly as Sakura tried to get Genma to give her one of his senbon for some reason or another. 

 

“Come on pleeeaassee? Genma, you know you’re my favorite right?” Genma snorted and looked at the pink haired girl out of the corner of his eye as he bit down on the metal needle in his mouth. 

“Keep pestering me and I’ll give you this one.” Sakura frowned and made an ‘ew’ face. “For real kid, don’t touch any of my weapons if I’m not there.” 

“Buzzkill.” The girl said, crossing her arms behind her back and looking up at the sky. They’d been walking for a good two hours now and she was starting to get bored already. 

“Let’s play a game! You can answer for Rai too since you guys are kinda one person at this point.”

“Ehh?”

  
  


“Ok so I’ll go first, how old were you when you graduated from the academy?” Placing her hands behind her head she smiled up at him. “Come on, it will help kill time.” 

Genma knew that, it was just that he was a private person and he didn’t want some rando listening to them. Glancing back he saw the young diplomat engrossed in something on his phone, oblivious to everything around him. 

Sighing the brunette decided to indulge the girl a little. 

“Well it was during war time so Rai and I both graduated the academy when we were 10.”

“That makes since, from what Kakas-sensei said things were different back then. I didn’t graduate till I was 12.”

“First weapon you ever used?” Genma asked as he caught a glimpse of Taka’s shadow out of the corner of his eye. 

Laughing a little Sakura thought for a moment. “A katana actually, I wasn’t any good though.” The tokujo gave a surprised hum. “Well I can’t say they’re easy to master, though Hayate made it seem that way sometimes.” She looked up at him and asked softly, “He was the second exam proctor, right? He was your friend?” 

 

“He was.” The girl got the hint that he didn’t want to wander down that particular path of memory lane and changed the subject quickly. “What’s something you’re really good at that people don’t know about?”

 

_ Lying. _

 

Chewing on his senbon he thought about her question. “Nothing I guess. I’m not really good at anything besides being a shinobi…” She just rolled her eyes at him. “Oh come on Mr. Humble there has to be something.”

 

Shaking his head he looked out at the skyline. “I mean Raidō is always trying to get me to sing but I don’t think that means I’m any good at it.” 

“Gen-”

“Don’t even think about it kid, you’ll hear me sing the day you see Hatake’s face.”

“Awwwww..”

* * *

 

For whatever it was worth, the first half of their mission went smoothly but the second half completely shit the bed. They had just gotten out of the Grass Country borders when they were ambushed. Genma and Raidō instinctively got on each side of Sakura as the smoke from some jutsu clouded their vision. He heard the distinct ‘zip’ of tightening ninja wire and pushed Sakura to the ground before she could finish the hand signs for the wind jutsu she was about to perform. Before she had even fully impacted the ground she was already finishing the last seal and Genma felt the wire against his arms and across his chest before he was yanked back harshly into the tree behind him, pinned there as the smoke was cleared by Sakura’s jutsu and Raidō deflected a kunai aimed at his heart. Quickly using a summoning jutsu Raidō had has favorite katana in his hand while Sakura sent multiple kunai with explosive tags into the trees around them. It did nothing but anger their attackers who jumped from the trees in a uniformed attack.

 

A masked shinobi appeared before Genma and lunged at him, kunai in hand. 

A poor choice really, mostly because his legs were still free and he used that to his advantage, kicking the kunai out his attackers hand and before planting both feet in the guys chest, knocking him back a good 15 feet into the fray of ninja surrounding his teammates. Reaching into his weapons pouch he pulled a shuriken free and threw it hard enough to cut one of the loops of wire pinning him to the tree, loosening the rest so he could get free. 

 

Pulling out a few senbon, he jumped into the tree and began picking them off one by one while he still had the element of surprise. The last two were apparently smarter than the rest though as they pulled their attacks and both jumped out of Raidō and Sakura’s range to go after Genma. 

 

Leaping from the branch he’d been perched on seconds before it shattered under the heavy assault of one of the masked ninja he was unable to dodge the second one’s attack mid-air. Bringing his arms up to take as much of the damage as possible the other ninja slammed into him, shoulder first and Genma felt the bite of a blade rip into the flesh of his stomach. Growling he grabbed the back of the guys shirt he kept a hold on him as they both crashed into the ground  _ hard. _

 

Somewhere to his left he heard Sakura scream his name he quickly rolled out of the way of the shuriken that impaled the ground where he’d landed. Rolling back into a handstand he kicked one of the masked ninja in the face only to have the guy grab his ankle and drive his knee into Genma’s spine and throw him a few feet away. Genma twisted in mid air to throw two poison tipped senbon at the enemy, landing on his feet and pulling out a kunai before lunging at him as the guy dodged to the right. 

 

Using the kunai to deflect the shuriken thrown at him, he dropped low to swipe the masked man’s feet from under him. The guy jumped over his leg but wasn’t able to dodge the chakra enhanced punch to the stomach that sent him flying into his comrade that was about to roundhouse kick Raidō in the face. Both ninja vanished in a puff of smoke upon impact and before any of the Konoha ninja could react the two unknown ninja broke through the earth on opposite sides of Sakura and Raidō, a coil of ninja wire tightening around the two as each enemy pulled the other end, trapping the two back to back. 

 

Sakura let out a yelp as she slammed into Raidō, the metal wire cutting into her bare arms. Raidō growled and pulled against the wire pinning them together and found no give to it. 

_ Ah shit, this is bad. _

 

The masked ninja lunged at them.

 

Genma stared in horror, knowing he wouldn’t make it in time to save them and Raidō braced himself for their attack.

 

Sakura, on the other hand…

 

Sakura screamed angrily and pulled against the wire, blood streaming down her arms from where it was slicing into her flesh. The wire tightened even more, nearly pushing all the air from Raidō’s lungs, then snapped as Sakura channeled a massive amount of chakra into her arms and shoulders. The enemy stopped feet from the two in shock of the girl’s strength and she delivered an earth shattering punch to the man’s face, blood and bone spraying everywhere while Raidō grabbed his fallen katana and neatly sliced off the others head in one clean move. 

 

“Fuck…” 

Raidō and Genma both appeared at Sakura’s side as she kneeled down. Blood was pouring from the torn flesh of her arms where the wire had cut her, bits of skin and muscle scraped away from tendon and bone. “I..I can’t move my arms to heal this…” she gasped out between panting breaths. 

“Don’t worry kid.” Raidō said as he looked at the wounds on her arms and frowned; neither he or Genma knew any kind of medical ninjutsu and she was losing blood fast. Digging through his pack he pulled out a few rolls of gauze and tossed one to Gen and the started to bandage her arms as best the could. Sakura was quiet through the whole ordeal but both men could see the tears welling up in her eyes but they didn’t say anything. 

 

“We need to get moving soon, there might be more of those bastards after us and she needs those wounds taken care of.” Raidō uttered quietly as the finished patching her up as well as they could, it wasn’t perfect but hopefully it would keep her from bleeding out before they got back to the village. Genma nodded and picked Sakura up, careful not to jostle her too much. 

“We can make it back in 3 days if we go all out.”

“Sounds good to me. Race you to the gates!” Genma said as he jumped up into the trees, an amused Raidō following after him.


	5. Burning Feathers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I cranked this one out pretty quick, the next chapter might take about a week, idk yet so I decided to go ahead and drop this here.  
> So the angst in this one is real because let’s be honest: it’s always sad boy hours.  
> Oh and on a side note per the previous chapter and this one: The technology at this point is around late 90’s early 2000’s standards. We have seen in the show they have radios and landline phones, it’s mostly unused by shinobi villages until the tech advancements in Boruto though.  
> Also thanks for reviewing guys

 

_ “The Sadness Will Last Forever” _

**_The Suicide Note of Vincent van Gogh_ **

  
  


The two special jonin made pretty good time on their way back to the village with their injured teammate, only stopping once to adjust her position and give her some water. Genma had the bright idea to carry her on his back with his flak jacket over both of them to hold her in place since she couldn't use her arms to hold onto him. It had the dual effect of making her easier to carry and keeping her arms more stable since they were pinned between her chest and his back. The added bonus was that it kept her warm being pressed against him, as she was more susceptible to the dropping temperatures at night because of her blood loss. 

 

Raidō was surprised they both fit in Genma’s vest but the kid was pretty small and the senbon user had a preference for wearing clothes about two sizes too big so he supposed he shouldn't have been too shocked. If the situation were any different he probably would have laughed at how funny it looked (That was a lie he definitely did laugh when he was helping zip up the other man's vest.) with Sakura’s frizzed pink hair sticking out of the collar of the vest and her legs sticking out of the bottom where they were locked around Genma’s waist. 

 

As they jumped through the trees he wondered distantly how mad Tsunade was going to be about them waking her up in the middle of the night to heal her student's mangled arms. He somehow got the feeling that he and Genma would be working quite a few more D-ranks as punishment for this little oversight. If that's what you could call it. Raidō still wasn't sure who their attackers were, or could have been. He was reticent to call them bandits because of their fighting capabilities, however they didn't seem like shinobi either. The highest level of just they had used had been a simple substitution, stuff genin and even some well trained civilians could do. He was sure Genma had noticed it too and he was itching to discuss it with his partner but kept quiet for now so they could focus on getting home. 

 

If he was being honest with himself he really doubted he’d be able to keep up a conversation at the brutal pace they had set. After two and a half days of running full speed his legs felt like jello and his knees hurt like a mother fucker; he couldn't imagine how Genma was feeling right about now having to run this far with another person's weight added to his own, even if she was a skinny little thing. He remembered the last time he had to haul Genma's ass home after he'd dislocated his hip on a mission and Raidō had been ready to tap out after 1 day. It was worse because not only was he heavier than the kunoichi, but he had complained the  _ whole time _ . Which was about the most aggravating thing he had ever dealt with at the time, but thinking back on it now it kind of just made him laugh. Between the bitching and moaning Raidō had been making nonstop grandpa and life alert jokes, which had only annoyed Genma more. It kept them entertained enough to make it back to the village in relatively good spirits. 

 

Raidō smiled at the memory. 

 

Sparing a glance at his partner, and he was relieved to see that Genma looked no worse for the wear than he himself did. Sweat was pouring down his face and his breathing was significantly more labored than it usually was but it didn't seem like he was struggling, which was somewhat comforting as he didn't see whether or not he had received any injuries from their battle. In the rush to bandage Sakura’s wounds he didn't have time to look for any blood before they were covered in hers. 

 

Looking back ahead he guagued that they should be at the village gates within the next 3 hours at this rate. 

  
  


Genma huffed quietly as he adjusted his grip on Sakura’s thighs when he felt her starting to slip. They were so close to the village he could almost taste it, which was probably good because he couldn't feel his legs any more and his back was throbbing. That bastard had gotten him right in the spine with a well placed kick and he was really feeling it now. His arms had started shaking a while ago from their prolonged position holding the girl in place as they sprung through the treetops. Not to mention the wound on his stomach. He'd had no time to check on it and assess the damage in their haste to get Sakura home, assuming it wasn't too bad since it had stopped bleeding a few hours later, the pain a dull blip on the edge of his subconscious. 

However; as his vision started to waver he began to reevaluate that thought. 

 

_ God fucking damn it, we're so close. Don't you dare fuck this up Shiranui. 10 more miles….  _

 

Sakura was floating on the edge of consciousness and sleep, just aware enough to hear and contemplate what was going on around her. Not like she  _ could _ do much else from her position against Genma’s back. But she was relatively comfortable where she was, basically cuddled against him. Had her arms not hurt so bad she was sure she would have drifted off long ago. She distantly wondered how close they were to the village. Part of her didn't want to be back yet, because she knew Tsunade was not going to be happy about what she'd done to her arms. She silently hoped the older woman wouldn't be  _ too  _ mad. Shuddering at the memory of her shishou’s fury she wiggled around anxiously, pressing closer against Genma's back and feeling the muscles move beneath his threadbare shirt, the way his rib cage expanded and contracted with his breathing pattern. She could also feel the sweat soaking through the material, sticking to both of them and silently thanked whatever gods there were that he didn't smell too bad (unlike Naruto, who used to smelled awful after they had been training all day).  

Oddly enough Genma smelled like patchouli and some sort of off brand soap. 

And he was warm, a stark contrast to the chilly air around them, blowing against her exposed shins. 

  
  


She could hear Raidō’s footsteps change direction and she wondered dreamily where he was going. 

“Take her to the hospital, I'll get Tsunade and meet you there.”

She felt rather than heard Genma grunt in agreement, the sound vibrating through her arms pressed into his back. 

 

“Almost there kid, just hold out for a few more minutes.” the brunette said over his shoulder, unsure of whether the girl was even conscious or not. Her reply was muffled by his shoulder and he smiled a bit. 

* * *

  
  


When Raidō arrived at the hospital with Tsunade hot on his heels he was relieved to find that Shizune had apparently already been on duty tonight and had taken Sakura’s prone for and put her in a room to begin repairing the damage. A few of the nurses asked if he needed anything, no doubt concerned with the blood, dirt, and sweat coating him but he just waved them off. 

Genma was slumped in one of the chairs in the waiting room, head resting on his open palm and eyes closed. Raidō dropped into the chair next to him gracelessly, legs deciding they'd taken enough abuse. He mirrored Genma's pose, propping his arm on the chair and holding his head. 

2 hours later that was how Tsunade and Shizune found them, leaning against each other; Genma's head on Raidō’s shoulder and Raidō’s head on top of Genma's, both tokubetsu fast asleep. 

Tsunade cleared her throat loudly, causing both jonin to shoot up looking at her with dazed intensity. 

 

“Sakura is going to be fine. She's in recovery now, you two got her back soon enough that there was no permanent damage.” Raidō sighed in relief.

 

_ Small mercies.  _

 

“I want your mission report in by noon today. I'd like to know exactly what the hell happened that caused my student to be returned in such a condition.” She glared at the two of them, her anger at being woken up at 1 in the morning still alive and well. 

 

“Yes Tsunade-Sama.” They said in unison, watching as she whirled around and marched out the front doors. 

 

Raidō groaned and looked over at his friend who looked dead on his feet, subtlety swaying back and forth where he stood. Genma looked at him with half-lidded eyes and let out a slow breath. “Can I crash at your place? Not sure I'll make it back to mine.” 

 

“Always. Let's go. ” The scarred man said as the two made their way to the apartment a few streets over. 

* * *

 

Unlocking his front door quietly Raidō let out an exasperated sigh; he was happy to be home but knew he'd barely be able to rest before having to report to Tsunade’s office with their mission report. 

He knew she was probably asking for their reports so soon just out of spite but he couldn't help but be more than a little annoyed with her for it. They had busted their asses trying to keep the kid from becoming a double amputee and this was the thanks they got? Stopping to take off his headband and sandals he watched out of the corner of his eye as Genma took off his blood covered flak vest and threw it into the bathtub before wandering into the bedroom. The scarred man followed suit, dropping his vest on top of Genma’s and tossing his shirt on top of it as well. He'd wash everything later when he could actually see straight. 

 

Leaning against the counter he observed the bruises running from his shoulder down to his rib cage where the wire had tightened around them before Sakura had been able to snap it. He had similar cuts criss crossing his upper arms as well though nothing like the deep gashes she had, the thick material of his vest had taken most of the damage for him. He flexed his shoulders a bit, and trying to ease the tight feeling in his chest and rubbed his eyes tiredly. 

 

Making his way into his bedroom slowly he found Genma laying on the bed curled up in the corner, forehead pressed against the wall and breaths coming out in soft puffs.He hadn't even bothered to change out of his dirty clothes before collapsing. Sitting on the bed Raidō set his alarm clock for the next morning and just tossed it onto the corner of the mattress and laid down, muscles spasming from overuse. 

He was asleep within seconds. 

* * *

  
  


_ “Stand down Namiashi! That child needs to be dealt with.” Danzo commanded gruffly, eyeing the kunai the bloodied boy was leveling at him.  _

_ “No. You will wait for Hiruzen-sama and you will not touch this child until then.” The young man snapped back at him, bearing his teeth and standing more squarely in front of Genma, who was kneeling over Minato and Kushina’s torn bodies and holding a screaming Naruto protectively.  _

 

_ “That  _ **_child_ ** _ is a monster and must be dealt with immediately! Do not make me go through you boy!” _

_ Behind him he heard Genma growl threateningly and Naruto’s choked wails became louder.  _

_ “You will do no such thing!” Hiruzen said, appearing between the two tokubetsu and Danzo, glancing between the four of them. His eyes stopped on Naruto, the small baby cradled gently but securely in Genma’s arms as he sniffled noisily and tried to reach out to grab the ends of the teen’s chestnut hair.  _

_ Raidō had yet to take his eyes off Danzo’s imposing figure, kunai still aloft and arms shaking as his body tried to provide another surge of adrenaline so soon after the Kyuubi attack.  _

_ “Sarutobi if you do not find yourself capable enough to handle this grave situation we have found ourselves placed in,  _ **_I will handle it for you._ ** _ ” _

 

_ Naruto started crying again _

* * *

 

Raidō shot up as his alarm sounded right next to his head. Reaching blindly for the piece of metal and plastic he shut it off and groaned loudly. Every part of him was sore, muscles tight and stiff from the abuse they'd been put through and he still felt exhausted. He was going to give Tsunade  _ the worst  _ report he could. 

_ Ah shit, she wants it in an hour. Goddamnit.  _

 

Running his hand through his hair he glanced at Genma, who hadn't even flinched when the alarm went off, still quietly snoozing in the same position he'd been in the night (early morning) before. A spark of sadness went through him, knowing that as much as he wanted to  _ always _ wake up like this, with the younger man next to him; he couldn't. Not because Genma wasn't interested in men as well as women, and not because Raidō wasn't interested in him (Genma was and is the only male he'd ever been attracted to), but because he couldn't break his (last) promise to his parents and his aunt and uncle. To marry some woman and continue the Namiashi bloodline. His aunt and uncle were unable to have children and his mother and sister had been the only children his grandparents bore, meaning he was the last. It had been very important to them both and it was something he wanted to honor. 

It didn't help that his aunt and uncle made it blatantly obvious that they took issue with the subject of homosexuality. (While it definitely wasn't unheard of especially among shinobi, it also wasn't the ‘norm’ which was why a lot of older shinobi and most civilians looked down upon it.) Raidō had never been quite able to discern weather it was due in part to their religious views or because they were just set in their ways. 

 

Whatever it was, he knew it was bullshit, he had no problem with Izumo and Kotetsu or Anko and her many… conquests. Hell, he'd had a crush on Genma since they were teenagers, though he didn't really know at the time. 

So here he was, running down the clock until he finally met someone he could like enough to want to reproduce with and was stuck loving his friend from afar. And it fucking  _ hurt.  _ But, so did so many other aspects of shinobi life so he supposed this was just one more thing to add to the ‘Repress the Fuck Out of This’ file in his brain. 

 

Fuck it was too early for this. 

 

Pulling himself out of bed and wincing he decided to let Genma get some much needed sleep. Walking into the bathroom without bothering to flip on the light he stripped the rest of his clothes off before stepping into the shower, using his foot to nudge their vests out of the way. Quickly scrubbing all the dirt and sweat away he shut off the water and grabbed a towel, drying himself and walking to the laundry room to pull  a clean uniform from the dryer. 

Now dressed the brunette went about filling out the various pages of paperwork for his report, making sure to write fast enough that she would have to focus to read the chicken scratch.  _ Serves her right.  _

 

Forty-five minutes later he was standing in her office placing the folder on her desk with an annoyed expression. 

 

She glanced up at him briefly before going back to whatever she was reading. “Thank you Raidō. Sakura has already given me a run down of what happened. You and Genma will be off the mission roster for a week.”

He slammed his hands on her desk. “A week!? I think that's a bit much considering our actual mission went well!” 

“Calm down Namiashi, it has nothing to do with the mission. Sakura has brought it to my attention that I've been overworking you two so I've decided to give you a bit of a break.” She said as she raised her eyebrows at his little outburst. 

 

He blinked. “Oh…” 

 

_ That sounds like bullshit. What is she up to? _

 

_ “ _ Um..Thank you Tsunade-Sama..” Waving her hand dismissively she looked back down at her paperwork and Raidō took that as his que to leave. 

 

Leaning back in her chair and pinching the bridge of her nose, Tsunade thought about the best way to keep this clusterfuck from going from bad to worse. She didn't need to read Namiashi’s report to know exactly what had happened on this mission, she'd sent Bear to keep a close eye on them and to give her accurate Intel about just what the  _ fuck  _ was going on with Shiranui. 

 

According to Bear’s report Genma had been uncharacteristically distracted and anxious when they had been ambushed, his reaction time had been greatly reduced and he'd frozen when Sakura and Raidō had been targeted. This coupled with some information she had received regarding the details of his last ANBU mission led her to believe there was something serious going on; and she was going to figure out exactly what it was. 

* * *

 

When he arrived back home he noticed that at some point Genma had woken up long enough to change into one of Raidō’s t-shirts and a pair of pajama pants before resuming his position sprawled out on the bed. Rolling his eyes in amusement he just shut his bedroom door to let the man sleep and decided he might as well clean his apartment since he was actually going to be spending time in it for the next week. 

 

As he set about scrubbing off the stove top, he couldn't help but wonder why Tsunade had given them a week of leave. Because he  _ knew _ it wasn't out of the kindness of her heart. She'd been making them work like dogs since she had taken the Hokage position so he didn't see why she'd suddenly start giving a shit now. 

 

_ Probably because we fucked up and nearly got her student killed?  _

 

He highly doubted it, just like he doubted Sakura had said anything to her about them being overworked. They were a bit stressed for sure, but everyone one was spread thin right now and he and Genma were pretty well known for their ability to work under pressure. More so than most jonin actually because they had to not only keep watch over the Hokage constantly but they had to do it on top of taking missions, gate duty, and working the missions desk if needed. Not to mention Genma was still very active in ANBU while Raidō helped out at the T&I office as often as he could. 

 

There had to be something else going on though, he just couldn't put his finger on it. 

 

Whatever it was he supposed he'd find out when the week was up, or sometime therein. He'd enjoy the time off while he could, he thought as he made his way into the bathroom to grab their vests to throw in the washer. Pulling the slightly damp material from the tub something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention.

 

His first aid kit had been moved from its usual position on the back of the counter to just next to the sink. 

 

_ That dumbass.  _

 

At least he'd actually bothered to patch himself up this time. That usually wasn't the case. 

 

Tossing the vests into the washing machine after he walked back into the kitchen he glanced at the clock on the stove. 

 

_ 5:38p.m. He's been asleep for almost 14 hours.  _

 

Popping open the door to his bedroom he quietly stepped inside. Genma had rolled to the side of the bed, having his back pressed against the wall and pillow shoved over his head. Raidō walked over and sat on the edge of the mattress, leaning over he pulled the pillow away and tossed it on the foot of the bed. The younger man gave a small whine and turned his head away from the light coming in through the window. 

“Gen, wake up.” 

 

Cracking open one eye the man in question looked at him for a moment before sitting up slowly and fixing Raidō with an empty stare, the shirt he'd borrowed slipping off one side of his shoulder and drawing the scarred man's eyes to the smooth flesh. 

 

“How long was I out?”

“14 hours give or take. I figured you needed the rest. How's your wound?” He was casual in his asking, wondering if he'd get an honest answer from his friend in his half asleep state. 

 

Genma stared at him blankly for long enough that Raidō thought he'd fallen asleep with his eyes open. “It's fine. Just a scratch. Annoying but nothing I can't handle.” He absent-mindedly pressed a hand over his side, feeling the bandages underneath the thin cotton shirt. 

 

He didn't remember bandaging it up. 

 

Raidō seemed to notice his sudden unease and looked at him worriedly, dark eyes roaming over his face. 

 

“What's bothering you?” Genma only shook his head. “Nothing man. Just a bit out of it, probably slept too much.” He leaned back against the wall again, and hazel eyes sliding shut for a beat. Raidō smacked his thigh lightly, trying to keep him awake. “Well then get up. Come help me make something to eat, I'm fucking starving.”

The younger man didn't say anything, only pushed himself off the wall and followed Raidō into the kitchen with a yawn. 

“Yo, did you wash my vest?”

Shaking his head the tokujo pointed in the direction of the laundry room, “It's in the washer, haven't cut it on yet though.” and watched curiously as Genma disappeared for a minute before returning with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. 

“Oi, what have I told you about smoking in here? Outside with you.” 

Genma laughed lightly as he slid onto the counter next to the stove where Raidō was currently boiling water. 

“This is for you as well, before you get your panties in a bunch.” 

 

He reached over and cut on the exhaust fan over the stove before reaching into the pack and pulling out a joint that was hidden among the rolled tobacco. 

“Well shit sweetheart, you're just so thoughtful.” Raidō rummaged around in his junk drawer for a lighter, tossing it to Genma when he found it. 

Genma took a long drag before passing it to Raidō, counting to 10 before exhaling in the direction of the vent. The two of them smoked in silence for a few minutes just enjoying the relaxing quiet.

 

“So, not that I'm trying to pry or anything but..are you ok?” Raidō asked quietly as he dumped some rice into the boiling pot of water in front of him. He'd been contemplating how to approach this with Genma for a few days now, since the night they'd gone out to the bar, he just wasn't sure where to begin. He and Genma were both very straight forward people, they didn't like to bullshit around and talk in circles when they could just get to the point of the matter. However, they were both very prideful and Genma was about as hard headed as they came. Both preferred to deal with their problems on their own if they could. Why drag someone else into your own problems, right? 

 

Only this seemed different, his friend had been continuing this downward spiral and was giving no indication that he was even trying to work out whatever shit was bothering him. So he was going to pull his ‘I'm your best friend’ card. 

 

Taking a final hit, Genma knocked the ash off the end before pressing it against his tongue to make sure it was properly out before sticking what was left back in the cigarette pack. 

 

He looked at Raidō seriously for a long while, the other man could see the gears in his head turning, weighing the pros and cons of whatever he was about to say. “Honestly?....No, not really.”

 

Once again his friend was surprising him, he hadn't really expected the younger tokubetsu to admit it but he supposed that he should have a bit more faith in Genma's trust for him. 

“Spill. What's up?”

The scarred man turned to face his friend and cocked his head to the side. Genma leaned back against the cabinet, biting nervously at the inside of his lip without his senbon to preoccupy him. He wasn't sure what to say really, he didn't really know why he'd felt the way he did lately so it was making it a bit difficult to put into words. Scrubbing at his eyes tiredly he tried to collect himself against the bout of anxiety he could feel building in his chest.

 

“I don't…I just haven't felt right lately I guess. I haven't been able to get much sleep and I always feel on edge…it's probably just stress. I don't know.”

He stopped himself before he said too much. While he trusted his friend and did want to talk to him there was always an underlying fear of Raidō making him go to Inoichi for therapy and counseling. Something he desperately did not want to do. 

 

So he told Raidō the jist of it, glossing over the fact that he'd been unable to sleep because of the horrific nightmares that had him waking up in a cold sweat every few hours, heart beating out of his chest and throat sore from strangled cries and screams. His inability to concentrate for extended periods of time, mind drifting from one thing to another distractedly. The periodic headaches and ongoing fatigue, constantly forgetting to eat or just being too tired to even bother when he did remember. The absolute lack of interest in doing anything other than trying to get any modicum of rest. The hours he'd spend blankly staring at his ceiling, brain caught in a void of infinite hopelessness and soul crushing sorrow. 

 

He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. 

 

Raidō was giving him his classic poker face, and Genma knew he hadn't fooled his friend but he hoped he wouldn't start asking questions that Genma wasn't ready to give the answers to. 

 

“I think you should stay here for a while. Not that I think you can't look after yourself but..”

 

The shorter man just grunted, thinking it over. If he agreed, it would give him someone to talk to and he'd be closer to his best friend (that he was in love with). This also came with the risk of Raidō seeing the cuts on his leg and as much as he knew he  _ shouldn't  _ be doing it he also  _ didn't want to stop _ . 

A deep voice broke him out of his thoughts. 

“I'll rephrase that, you're staying here until I don't think you need to be on suicide watch.”

_ And fuck if that didn't bring up some agonizing memories.  _

Genma's normally relaxed expression immediately turned angry. 

“Fuck you Rai, that's a low blow and you know it. I'd tell you if it was like that.” 

 

His anger sounded hollow even in his own ears as his friend fixed him with a serious look. Walking over to stand in front of the man sitting on the counter Raidō stood between Genma's spread legs and roughly grabbed the man's face in one had, fingers digging into the soft flesh. 

“Would you?! You sure as fuck didn't last time! When  _ I _ found you…” 

Genma's throat burned with equal parts shame and anger. He tried to pull away from Raidō’s hold but only succeeded in slamming his head into the wooden cabinet behind him as images flashed in front of his eyes. 

 

_ Being so, so tired.  _

 

_ The painful throbbing in his shoulder.  _

 

_ Laying on his side in the ANBU headquarters locker rooms.  _

 

_ Freezing cold water choking him.  _

 

_ Raidō screaming.  _

 

_ “GENMA?!” _

 

“Genma!”

A sharp slap across his cheek brought him back to reality. He was in Rai’s apartment, clinging to the man like he was a life support, arms wrapped around his neck and pressed close to the other man. 

 

Raidō wrapped his arm around his friend's shaking body, feeling the bones and hard lines of muscle beneath his shirt. 

 

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up..”

The younger man didn't say anything, just laid his head on Raidō’s shoulder. 

 

A few moments of silence passed before Genma let out a slow breath, voice wavering slightly “I want to go back to sleep…”

Raidō knew this was coming and he couldn't bring himself to completely deny the smaller man. Rubbing the soft brown locks with his cheek he sighed. “I'll let you go back to bed after you eat something, ok?” Again, the other man was silent so Rai took it as an agreement. 

Sliding his hands under the other man's thighs and lifting him off the counter easily, he took the tokubetsu into the living room and say him on the couch before walking back to the kitchen. 

 

A few minutes later they were both eating quietly, some animal documentary droning on in the background. Raidō eyed Genma as he ate slowly, staring blankly at the TV without absorbing any information, brain on autopilot. The younger man barely ate half the food before placing his plate on the table and curling up on the end of the sofa. 

 

_ Maybe I just need to let him sleep it off. He should be more amicable in the morning.  _

The brunette went back into the kitchen and Genma was asleep before he even finished washing the dishes. 


End file.
